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There are a couple of things that I like about working security.

First and foremost, I'm a night owl.

I've always felt more comfortable being awake while the rest of the world is asleep.

This could be because of a lifetime plagued by insomnia,

or maybe just because of the simple fact that most people are assholes.

Then again, what's the old saying?

If you keep bumping into assholes all day, chances are you're the asshole.

Either way, the bulk of humanity and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. And it's probably

best if we keep as much distance from each other as possible. I'm happier for it, and let's face it,

so are you. Security is a nice gig for people like me, especially when working the graveyard

shift. Most of the time, it's a whole lot of nothing

that comes with a slight bump in the salary for working undesirable hours.

The problem is that it's kind of hard to work security without other people.

The company I work for likes to pair you with at least one other person

for insurance reasons or something like that. And for the last six months,

that hasn't been too bad. They paired me with a college kid named Ethan, who mostly sits in

his chair and sleeps all night while working on his PhD in criminology during the day.

I don't bother him, and he doesn't bother me. It was a match made in heaven. But a couple of

...