Hello and welcome back to practicing human, the podcast where every day we're getting a little better at life.

I'm your host, Cori Mascara.

In today's episode, we are going to talk about working through conflict.

More to come on that in a moment.

First, let's settle in together with the sound of the bells.

Thank you. settle in together with the sound of the bells. Okay, so in this podcast I am going to be pulling from Jason Gattis' new book, Getting to Zero,

which is a book all about working through relationship conflict. It's incredible. I highly recommend it.

And one of the things he talks about is his own journey of learning to work through conflict,

especially with his romantic partnerships and now his wife. And one of the things he noted was

how he often felt like he understood the other person. But that wasn't always the case when working through conflict. And through a number

of really great stories he shares in the book, he said he created this new rule for himself that

I don't understand this person until they say they feel understood. I don't understand this person

until they say they feel understood. And he turned this

into a four-part acronym that I really like called Lufu. And that stands for listen until they feel

understood. Listen until they feel understood. Loufu.

So I want to dive into that in this podcast.

I think, you know, if we just stopped here and you took that into your relationship dynamics or any communication, especially when you're working through a particular conflict and

lots of things are getting triggered and you feel

like you know enough to be able to argue back and you're caught in your own ideas of their

ideas and all that stuff. You know, this is just a really simple heuristic of I don't understand

them until they say they feel understood. Listen until they feel understood.

Now, he breaks this down into eight more steps.

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