Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about how to listen to Small Things Often with your partner.

Has this happened to you? You listen to an episode of small things often and totally recognize your partner

in the tip. Maybe it was the episode about being a good listener, and you realized your partner

always interrupts and offers their own opinion instead of really listening to you, your thoughts,

or your pain. Or perhaps it was the episode about handling difficult emotions, and you discover that your partner is a bottler who locks their emotions inside until they explode.

If this is the case, how do you share what you've learned?

Do you send them an email with the link to the episode and the email subject, in all caps, this is you, listen and learn?

Or maybe you just keep playing your favorite episode

as loud as possible every time they come in the same room hoping something will sink in.

Well, we have some other approaches to try. Because the point of small things often is to improve

your relationships together by asking for what you need and coming from a place of love, not judgment. If it comes

across as a critique, both of you could end up on the defense, and most likely lead to a fight that

will not lead to positive growth in your life together. So how should you share the information

you've learned with your partner? Be gentle and loving. Use words like we and us instead of you.

Maybe say, take a look at this. Do you think it's something we can work on together? Or, let's talk

about this tonight. Then set aside some time to share and discuss what you've discovered.

And yes, it's wonderful to share topics you find

that you and your partner need to work on. But don't forget to also share the ones you find that

you're already doing right. Maybe it was the episode on Finding Joy. And you suddenly realize

that your partner is always discovering ways to bring fun and humor and excitement into your

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