How to Tame Your Advice Monster and Become a Better Listener | Michael Bungay Stanier

The One You Feed | Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience & Purpose

Eric Zimmer, The One You Feed

Buddhism, Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Religion & Spirituality

4.5 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 5 June 2026

⏱️ 63 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Michael Bungay Stanier, author of the bestselling The Coaching Habit, discusses how to tame your advice monster and become a better listener. Michael shares the surprising story of self-publishing after multiple rejections, and discusses core coaching principles like staying curious longer and asking better questions. He explores paradoxes in coaching, including balancing humility with confidence and being both fierce and loving. Michael also reflects on personal growth, integrating one’s shadow side, and maintaining perspective after achieving extraordinary success. ⁠A Weekly Bite of Wisdom:⁠ Want to go deeper with the ideas we explore on The One You Feed? Every Wednesday, Eric shares a short, practical email that turns insights about mental health, relationships, purpose, habits, and personal growth into simple practices you can use right away. You'll also receive our Weekend Podcast Playlist featuring a recap of the week's episodes. It's free, takes about a minute to read, and is enjoyed by thousands of readers each week. Sign up at ⁠oneyoufeed.net/newsletter.⁠ Exciting News!!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life is out NOW! Order today!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Key Takeaways: The 10th anniversary of “The Coaching Habit” and its journey from rejection to self-publishing. The philosophy of coaching and the importance of asking good questions. The concept of taming the “advice monster” and the value of staying curious. The paradoxes in coaching, such as balancing confidence with humility. The significance of recognizing and integrating one’s shadow side. The role of presence and deep listening in effective coaching. The importance of being fierce and loving in relationships. The challenges of personal growth and the internal conflicts we face. The unpredictability of success in writing and the nature of creative work. The idea of holding outcomes lightly while caring deeply about one’s work. For full show notes:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you enjoyed this conversation with Michael Bungay Stanier, check out these other episodes: Starting Well to Finish Well with Michael Bungay Stanier The Coaching Habit with Michael Bungay Stanier By purchasing products and/or services from our sponsors, you are helping to support The One You Feed, and we greatly appreciate it. Thank you! This episode is sponsored by: ⁠⁠⁠Brodo Broth⁠⁠⁠: Shop the best broth on the planet with Brodo. Head to ⁠⁠⁠Brodo.com/TOYF⁠⁠⁠ for 20% off your first subscription order and use code TOYF for an additional $10 off. ⁠⁠Quince:⁠⁠⁠ Refresh your wardrobe with Quince by going to ⁠⁠⁠Quince.com/feed⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Shopify – The commerce platform that helps you build, grow, and manage your business all in one place. Start your $1/month trial at shopify.com/feed. David Protein bars deliver up to 28g of protein for just 150 calories—without sacrificing taste! For a limited time, our listeners can receive this special deal: buy 4 cartons and get the 5th free when you go to www.davidprotein.com/FEED ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Aura Frames⁠⁠: Named #1 by Wirecutter, you can save on the gifts moms love by visiting AuraFrames.com. For a limited time, listeners can get 25 dollars off their best-selling Carver Mat frame with code FEED. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout! ⁠⁠Rocket Money⁠⁠ Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at ⁠⁠rocketmoney.com/feed⁠⁠. ⁠⁠Taskrabbit:⁠⁠ When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get fifteen dollars off your first task at ⁠⁠Taskrabbit.com⁠⁠ or on the Taskrabbit app using promo code FEED. Taskers book up fast, especially for same-day tasks, so book trusted home help today. ⁠⁠Hello Fresh⁠⁠ – Get 10 free meals + a FREE Zwilling Knife (a $144.99 value) on your third box. Offer valid while supplies last. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	the more you can realize how little you actually know about the person, about what's really going on,
0:07.3	about what's really hard for them, about what the context really is,
0:10.5	the more you can realize how unlikely it is that the one you feed.
0:26.6	Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
0:31.6	Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true. And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't
0:39.6	strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't
0:47.3	have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not
0:53.2	just about thinking.
0:54.8	Our actions matter.
0:56.3	It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort
0:59.0	to make a life worth living.
1:01.1	This podcast is about how other people
1:03.0	keep themselves moving in the right direction,
1:05.5	how they feed their good wolf.
1:09.8	Most of us have what Michael Bungay-Stainier calls an advice monster. The part of us that can't
1:15.4	wait to weigh in, fix things, and offer the solution before the other person has finished talking.
1:22.2	Taming it, he says, comes down to one big change. Stay curious a little longer, rush to advice a little more slowly.
1:31.0	That idea sits at the center of the coaching habit, the best-selling coaching book of the last 25 years,
1:37.8	now in its 10th anniversary edition. His conclusion after a decade of teaching it,
1:43.2	I need to know almost none of the content to be helpful.
1:47.7	I'm Eric Zimmer, and this is the one you feed.
1:51.2	Michael, welcome back.
	...

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