How To! | Stop Fawning
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Slate Podcasts
4.2 • 2K Ratings
🗓️ 16 December 2025
⏱️ 44 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and complex trauma survivor Dr. Ingrid Clayton learned about fawning — the fourth "F" after fight, flight, and freeze — she felt like this was the missing piece that explained her whole life. On this episode of How To!, Ingrid talks to Courtney Martin about what can happen when you find yourself in a chronic fawning response, and how to break free.
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Transcript
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| 0:22.2 | What's the white by? Do you stream the new series I'm binging? Please, can we listen to something that isn't Christmas music? Can you, um, you search out of de-froster turkey quickly? Everyone, we're going to video call Auntie Audrey now. Mom, Joe's talking to telly again. Can we share a video with a dog in his outfit? |
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| 0:47.6 | 2023.33. Before we get started with today's episode, I wanted to give you a heads-up. |
| 0:54.5 | This conversation includes brief descriptions of a minor, experiencing abusive power |
| 0:59.4 | and sexual dynamics from a parental figure. |
| 1:02.5 | If that sounds triggering, take care of yourself, and we'll see you next episode. |
| 1:07.9 | There comes a point where you don't know where you end and the fawn response begins. |
| 1:13.5 | Meanwhile, your family and society, everyone's sort of applauding these behaviors. |
| 1:18.5 | We think of it like you're being a good girl, a good kid, going along to get along. |
| 1:23.5 | Don't make them upset. |
| 1:25.0 | Just like these countless messages. Override yourself. |
| 1:28.7 | Override yourself. |
| 1:33.3 | This is how to. |
| 1:34.9 | I'm Courtney Martin. |
| 1:36.3 | I'm guessing you've heard of fight, flight, or freeze, three responses that many of us have |
| 1:42.4 | to trauma. |
| 1:43.4 | But today we've got a new one for you, |
| 1:45.7 | or at least it was new to me. It's called fawning. When I first heard the word, I imagined a slow, |
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