How To Stop Fawning
How To! with Mike Pesca
Peach Fish Projects
4.3 • 2K Ratings
🗓️ 16 December 2025
⏱️ 44 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and complex trauma survivor Dr. Ingrid Clayton learned about fawning — the fourth "F" after fight, flight, and freeze — she felt like this was the missing piece that explained her whole life. On this episode of How To!, Ingrid talks to Courtney Martin about what can happen when you find yourself in a chronic fawning response, and how to break free.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This festive season of McDonald's... |
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| 0:03.1 | Okay, okay. |
| 0:04.1 | With a sausage sandwich for just... |
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| 0:24.3 | This conversation includes brief descriptions of a minor, experiencing abuse of power and |
| 0:29.6 | sexual dynamics from a parental figure. |
| 0:32.4 | If that sounds triggering, take care of yourself, and we'll see you next episode. |
| 0:37.8 | There comes a point where you don't know where you end and the fawn response begins. |
| 0:43.4 | Meanwhile, your family and society, everyone's sort of applauding these behaviors. |
| 0:48.4 | We think of it like you're being a good girl, a good kid, going along to get along. |
| 0:53.4 | Don't make them upset. Just like these countless |
| 0:55.9 | messages, override yourself, override yourself. This is how to. I'm Courtney Martin. I'm guessing |
| 1:06.9 | you've heard of fight, flight, or freeze, three responses that many of us have to trauma. |
| 1:13.3 | But today we've got a new one for you, or at least it was new to me. |
| 1:17.2 | It's called fawning. |
| 1:19.0 | When I first heard the word, I imagined a slow, blinking Disney dough trying to convince a hungry |
| 1:24.5 | wolf not to eat her. |
| 1:26.4 | And then I sort of sat with it more and I thought |
| 1:28.8 | about my own tendency, intense social situations to kind of play it cool. Disarm the asshole at the |
| 1:35.2 | bar with an apology he doesn't deserve or give my uncle a little chuckle after a sexist joke to |
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