How to Stay Calm with Strong Willed Kids? :: Kirk Martin [Ep 479] Summer of Mentorship Week Three

Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Kids & Family, Leisure, Parenting, Education

5 • 2.3K Ratings

🗓️ 22 July 2024

⏱️ 34 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I love Kirk’s realistic approach to parenting. He understands what your home dynamics are like. And gives practical tips. After listening to today’s episode you will have at least three different “tricks” to apply.
Most of all, I’m thankful for the new perspective he has given me. Kirk helped me recognize how emotionally invested I was in my boys’ behavior and freed me from the need to regulate their behavior for them.
The last couple days I’ve enjoyed the boys more. I’m also less tense and frustrated when we are out in public. In fact, I may need to go back and listen to this episode more than once, so it sticks!
This episode originally aired in May of 2015
Kirk came back on the show multiple times. Check out additional episodes here.
What we chat about:

Kirk’s realization that he needed to focus on his own behavior and stop trying to fix his son’s strong-willed behavior.
The switch he made from training 1500 kids in his home to training parents to calm themselves.
The one thing you can do today to de-escalate a tense situation in your home.
How to calmly handle your child’s meltdown

I can only control one person in life, and that’s me.

How motion changes emotion–helping little ones calm down b/c they don’t know how to “think” their way out.
What to do in the middle of Target aisle 3 when your child freaks out
Handling a tantruming child when his siblings are fighting and another needs help with homework and dinner is cooking (Heather’s daily 5 pm reality).

If you don’t care enough about yourself, to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually. . .why would anyone else care?

How sometimes parents want good behavior so badly, they are too invested in it and give children too much control.
How to be an impartial giver of wisdom.
Write down your emotional triggers & do the opposite of what you normally do.

Connect with Kirk:
Site :: Twitter :: Facebook :: Podcast
Links Mentioned:

CDs/DVDs
888-506-1871–Toll Free Number for Frustrated Parents

Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions:

Discuss Kirk’s realization that he needed to focus on his own behavior and stop trying to fix his son’s strong-willed behavior.
If you struggle to stay calm when your kids are out of control, what are some of your triggers?
Which of Kirk’s ideas to de-escalate a situation is most realistic for you? Thinking about how motion changes emotion.
How did you react to Kirk’s idea of being an “impartial giver of wisdom” instead of being so invested in how your kids behave?
Spend some time working through a part of your day that is most challenging or a situation with a particular child and brainstorm ways you could respond differently. Share with others in the group and get their ideas if you are willing.

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Transcript

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0:26.7	Hey, welcome back to the Don't Mom Alone podcast. I'm your host Heather McPadian and this is the place where I get to walk alongside you and connect you with people and resources so you know that you don't mom alone and in this episode it is week three of our summer of mentorship and if you're new around the podcast let me explain in the
0:31.1	summer I typically dig into the archives and find episodes that I feel like need to be heard again.
0:39.0	Because with almost 500 episodes I know it's hard to scroll back and find something that you're looking for.
0:45.0	So this summer, I've gone into the archives and I'm answering questions y'all sent me with previous episodes I've recorded. So many people sent in questions asking
0:56.6	about how to parent a strong-willed child. Well my go-to resource on all things strong-willed is Kirk Martin. He has come on the show so many times.
1:06.9	We will link to all of those times in the show notes. And in fact, he has his own podcast.
1:12.7	Since bringing him on the show, he moved from his audio tape CD teachings
1:17.8	to his own podcast.
1:19.7	And it's now number one in kids and family called the Calm Parenting Podcast.
1:25.0	Definitely go check it out if you have a strong old child or just any child really.
1:30.4	He helps you calmly manage yourself and that translates to your kid.
1:37.8	You'll hear more about it in this episode.
1:39.5	Let's get right to it.
1:40.8	Here we go.
1:41.8	Hey Kirk, welcome to the podcast.
1:44.0	Hey Heather it's great to be here.
1:47.0	Could you just let us know how did you even come to the point where you have a site and you speak around the country on this topic.
1:54.4	So I had a very, very, very strong-willed son, the kind of kid that kind of comes out of the
2:00.4	womb with boxing gloves on, right?
2:02.2	He just wants to argue about everything and anything.
2:05.7	And I spent the first nine years of his life
2:08.1	telling my wife, if your son would just do what I said,
	...

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