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10% Happier with Dan Harris

How to Speak Clearly, Calmly, and Without Alienating People | Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker

10% Happier with Dan Harris

10% Media, LLC

Dan Harris, Health & Fitness, Mindfulness, Dharma, Mental Health, Meditation

4.612.2K Ratings

🗓️ 5 September 2022

⏱️ 66 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Most of us talk all day long. We speak to each other, we type at each other, and of course, we talk to ourselves internally. Talking and listening is a key part of what it means to be human and It’s very hard to be a successful person if you can’t communicate your ideas and listen to and understand other people. 


Today’s guests, Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman, are here to explain some very simple and easy to understand communication skills that can transform your life. Their new book, Let's Talk: An Essential Guide to Skillful Communication concisely summarizes their teachings and they’re coming on the show today to walk us through some of the key learnings from this book. 


Over the past thirty years Nisker and Clurman have provided communication training to individuals and organizations in the private, public, government, and nonprofit sectors. They have also led workshops, and trained staff at leading mindfulness centers such as Insight Meditation Society and Spirit Rock Meditation Center. Clurman is a communication coach and professor in the Ageno School of Business at Golden Gate University in San Francisco. Nisker is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. 



In this episode we talk about:


  • Talking vs. listening
  • Content vs. process 
  • The power of saying nothing at all
  • Reflective listening 
  • The Buddhist concept of Right Speech
  • Content goals vs. relationship goals
  • “I” language
  • Provisional language
  • Stating positive intentions
  • Framing
  • And Flooding vs. chunking



You can read an excerpt of the book, Let's Talk: An Essential Guide to Skillful Communication if you subscribe to our TPH newsletter, which comes out every Sunday. And you can subscribe if you go to: tenpercent.com/newsletter.


Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dan-clurman-and-mudita-nisker-494

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is the 10% happier podcast.

0:06.2

I'm Dan Harris.

0:10.3

Hey, everybody.

0:12.3

Most of us talk all day long.

0:14.5

We speak to each other.

0:15.5

We type at each other.

0:16.8

And of course, we talk to ourselves internally and incessantly.

0:21.8

Talking and listening is a key part of what it means to be human.

0:24.6

It is very hard to be a successful person in the world.

0:28.4

If you cannot communicate your ideas and listen to and understand other members of a homo sapiens.

0:35.5

So why, given the indisputable importance of communication, are very few of us ever

0:41.9

taught how to do it effectively?

0:45.0

Speaking personally, many, if not most, of the biggest problems I've had in my life are

0:49.2

the results of my failure to communicate effectively or my failure to listen to other

0:53.8

people and make them feel hurt.

0:56.0

As some of you know, because I've mentioned it, perhaps a few too many times here on

1:00.2

the show, four years ago, I received a rather devastating 360 review.

1:05.0

A 360 review for the uninitiated is an exercise that is often conducted in corporate circles

1:11.0

where an anonymous survey is done of your boss's peers and direct reports, the ideas to give

1:16.6

you a panoramic sense of your strengths and weaknesses.

1:20.6

I got a colonoscopy version of a 360, which included not only my colleagues, but also

1:25.0

my wife, my brother and two of my meditation teachers.

...

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