Hello, welcome to the show.

This is Emotional Badass, where Moxie meets Mindful.

I'm your host, Nikki Eisenhower, life coach and psychotherapist.

And on today's episode, we are getting into repair part two.

How to Repair after having a fight when you've never seen it modeled.

Yeah. prepare after having a fight when you've never seen it modeled. All right, y'all, if you have not listened to part one, please go back and listen to part one before you listen to this one or find

the commercial free episode if you're a member of Patreon. We went one through six in part one

and I'm going to pick up right away on number seven continuing our discussion of how to do

this very tricky repair thing when we've never

seen it done. So number seven, here we go. Offer something to yourself and to the other person

that is co-regulating. Now, if you don't know what that means, it's really, really simple. When we feel

that sort of frenetic energy in our body, when we are truly triggered, we are dysregulated.

We know this about babies now. When I was a baby, they did not know this. They know this now.

Babies and very small children cannot self-regulate. They regulate their breathing, their heart rates, their nervous systems,

their being by feeling what the adult that's holding them and caring for them is feeling.

That's how their nervous system regulates.

So if you think about that, if you've been with me a long time and you know my story,

what that means for me is that, oh, even if my mom was holding me and nursing me, which she did,

she was a very dysregulated person. She was very irate, reactive, angry,

resentful, not very warm. That's what I was feeling. No wonder my nervous system has had such a

hard time. It's very likely I did not get enough positive grounded co-regulation. Likely, if you're

listening to this show, you haven't either. So this is a part of repair. This is a part of growing up

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