There's not a lot of people you can talk to about it.

You might have friends that are going through it at the same time, but then they're going through a different experience. If you're in an online group, people drop off because they become mothers, you know? Yep. So it becomes so private and it can become more and more isolating the more and more your situation shifts.

I'm Courtney Martin, and this is How to, the show where listeners bring us their toughest questions

and we find the perfect person to give them guidance.

Today's episode is about the road to parenthood, whether or not that

journey ends with a child. We'll be talking about infertility, lack of control, and loss.

Now, if this episode isn't for you, we completely get that. Please take care of yourself,

and we'll see you next week. But for those of you

sticking around, you're in for a nuanced, all too rare conversation about the things so many people

find while pursuing parenthood. Sadness and frustration, sure, but also unexpected joy and peace.

And with that, I'd like you to meet Lauren, who is in her 30s.

I think everyone kind of has an idea of what they think their life will turn out like. For my

husband and I, it's been to grow our family. We've been trying for the past seven years.

We did IUIs, we've done IVF. We did donor embryos.

We've seen numerous doctors, had procedures, tests, everything. But then in April, the last of our

embryos were not successful. And we still don't have a child or a baby.

This period of time was marked by a lot of loss and with it a lot of grief.

I think the weird thing about infertility is it's not just one cycle that you get hopeful for and then have to grieve.

It's over and over and over.

It was almost like you started out being super hopeful and trying to get used to grieving.

And by the end, I was so used to grieving, it was hard to find a hope.

After eight embryo transfers, four initial positive pregnancy tests, and three miscarriages over those seven years,

...