How to Make Amends When We Cause Harm (and we all will) | Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg

Good Life Project

Jonathan Fields / Acast

Education, Wellness, Self-improvement, Midlife, Health & Fitness, Intentional Living, Personal Growth, Living Well, How To

4.5 • 3.4K Ratings

🗓️ 10 October 2022

⏱️ 65 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We all mess up. Sometimes in small ways, but other times big ones. Sometimes privately, other times publicly. We don’t mean to - or maybe we do in the momentum, but feel remorse after the fact. Either way, we all will, at some point, hurt someone. And we may also suffer repercussions. Whether personal, communal, or societal. Question is, what do we do after that? How do we repair the harm, and make amends? How do we find a way back to grace, connection, community, redemption and repair? Is that even possible in all cases? And if so, what are the steps? And what about forgiveness? Does that, and should it, be a part of the process?

Turns out, there is a well-defined set of steps, a path, that very few know about.

Today, we explore a practical, though not always easy, 5-step path to repair, reconciliation, and redemption based on ancient, universal wisdom, that she details in her newest book, On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World. We talk about each step, why it’s there, how to step into it, and some challenging “edge case” and how to both do the work and set expectations. And, we also talk about forgiveness, with Rabbi Danya offering a powerful alternative take on it.

You can find Rabbi Danya at: Website | Twitter | Instagram

If you LOVED this episode you’ll also love the conversations we had with Jonathan Haidt about the free exchange of ideas, cancel culture, and the line between growth and harm.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	We have to take the impacts of our actions seriously.
0:03.8	We have to assume that other people are as worthy of care and concern as we are.
0:10.0	And when we mess up, it is an opportunity for us to learn and grow.
0:18.6	And if part of me doesn't want to hear someone saying, ouch, what you're saying is hurting me as a human being,
0:28.0	then I might need to look at why that is, like what is going on with me but I'm shutting down someone saying I'm in
0:37.4	pain and you don't want to see it.
0:39.3	Okay so we all mess up. Sometimes in small ways, but other times in big ones, sometimes privately,
0:48.7	other times publicly. We don't mean to, or maybe we do in the moment but feel remorse after the fact and either way
0:55.7	We all will at some point hurt someone and we may also suffer repercussions
1:01.4	Whether personal communal or societal.
1:04.1	The question is, what do we do after that?
1:07.1	How do we repair the harm and make amends?
1:09.5	How do we find a way back to grace and connection,
1:11.9	community, redemption, and repair. Is that even possible
1:16.4	in all cases? And if so, what are the steps? And what about forgiveness does that and should
1:21.6	it be a part of the process. Well it turns out
1:24.3	there's a well defined set of steps a path very few know about and that is where
1:29.9	we're headed in today's conversation with Rabbi Donja Ruttenberg.
1:33.8	Named by Newsweek as a rabbi to watch and a wonderkin of Jewish feminism by Publishers Weekly,
1:38.6	Rabbi Donia Ruttenberg is an award-winning author of several books and a writer whose work has appeared in the New York Times,
1:44.4	Washington Post, the Atlantic, and so many others.
1:47.4	She serves as a scholar and residence at the National Council of Jewish Women and as a rabbi
	...

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