Are you a good listener?

Before you answer that, pause and think about it first.

Most of us probably believe we listen to people all the time.

But how much of what we think of as listening

is really just some form of active hearing

where we're waiting for our turn to say something clever or funny or thoughtful.

That's not really listening. Or at best, it's a rough approximation of it, but one that

falls short in some crucial ways. The truth is that most of us are quite good at acting like

we're listening. We nod affirmatively and say, uh-huh,

and yep, and for sure. Sometimes we even bust out the fake laughter to paper over a little bit

of awkwardness when we need to. We do these things when people are talking because we know

it signals the right thing. It's polite. But deep down,

we're in our own heads. We're thinking about ourselves or God knows what. In other words, we're

not listening. To the extent that this is common, and maybe even increasingly common, what

price are we paying? What are we losing by listening less and less?

I'm Sean Eling and this is the gray area.

Today Today's guest is Kate Murphy.

Kate is a journalist and the author of the book, You're Not Listening, What You're

Missing, and Why It Matters.

This book approaches listening through a cultural and scientific lens, and it expresses

how critical listening is to being a human.

It's a few years old, but it's as relevant today as it was when it was published.

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