How To Let Go of Anger When You Love an Alcoholic or Substance Abuser

Love Over Addiction

Michelle Anderson

Society & Culture, Wifeofanalcoholic, Codependency, Relationships, Recovery, Alanon

4.8 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 26 January 2020

⏱️ 5 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When you love someone suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, gambling, or whatever else they may choose, we get angry. Their addiction starts to overtake their lives and relationships, right? Of course we get angry. So this week we’re talking specifically about how to let it go.

Here’s the thing: if we don’t find ways to let that anger go, it can build and become toxic to us.

It can start to cause resentment and bitterness. It can start to seep into other parts of our lives that just don’t deserve to have anger there. Has that ever happened to you? I know it did for me. And there’s no judgment.

It’s just part of our lives because we love someone suffering from addiction.

So today I’m here with one quick tip on how to let go of some of this anger. A little strategy and technique that you can use throughout your day.

Start with the small situations, and work your way up as you get more and more comfortable with this little tip.

You ready? I know you can do it! We’re here for you, we’re in your corner, and this is your time, sister.

Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/how-to-let-go-of-anger-when-you-love-an-alcoholic-or-substance-abuser/

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Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to the Love Over Addiction Podcast. So in today's tip, we are going to let go of your anger when you love a man who is suffering
0:26.0	from alcoholism or addiction.
0:30.4	You might be feeling angry or like life is out of control sometimes.
0:36.0	You're mad at yourself for staying with him and you can hate him at times when he breaks your heart because once again you trusted him.
0:46.6	And once again he lied.
0:49.8	But you don't really hate him. You love him deeply. If you didn't love him, you wouldn't care.
0:59.0	That's why you feel so angry.
1:02.0	My girlfriend from college is married to one of my favorite
1:07.2	men in the world who happens to be a recovering alcoholic. He told her, we hate ourselves enough for everyone. You don't need to hate us
1:17.8	too. Isn't that good? Whatever's in your heart determines what you say. You know who said that?
1:26.7	Jesus. And it is so true. Most of the time we can attempt to muster up all the willpower in the world to control our anger, but it's not enough.
1:39.0	We still end up yelling, guilt-tripping, lecturing, giving him the silent treatment, and letting
1:47.1	loose on him.
1:49.1	And who wouldn't when you live with this kind of craziness? But if you want to stop feeling angry you must change what's in your heart.
1:59.2	Quit trying to fight the need to control your anger.
2:04.0	Replace it with empathy and compassion.
2:08.0	He has a disease and it's not personal.
2:12.0	He could love you to the moon and back, but it doesn't change the fact that he is still sick.
2:21.0	Now, I know what you're thinking. I hear you. He can be awful to me, Michelle. He makes
2:28.1	excuses. Sometimes he can be verbally abusive. He makes promises to stay sober and then he breaks them.
2:36.4	He's like living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. And I want to be really, really clear about this. That's not okay. I'm not saying it is. You deserve better. But you are choosing to be with him today and if you want to stay in a relationship
2:56.7	with him or even if you don't forgive him and forgive yourself for loving him.
	...

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