How to know if narcissists are actually changing
The Mental Healness Podcast
Lee Hammock
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 30 March 2026
⏱️ 14 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
"Is it a breakthrough, or is it just better acting?"
The most common question I get is: "Lee, can narcissists actually change?" The answer is yes, but it doesn't look like a Hallmark movie. It looks like a long, painful, and often ugly process of self-control. Today, I’m breaking down the difference between a narcissist who is "performing" therapy and a narcissist who is actually changing their brain chemistry.
We’re talking about Consistency vs. Intensity, how to test for real accountability, and why "therapy speak" is the new favorite weapon for narcissists in 2026. If you’re waiting for a sign to stay or leave, this Live is for you.
In this Live, we discuss:
The Consistency Test: Why a "good week" means nothing compared to a "boring year."
Weaponized Therapy: How narcissists use their therapist’s words to gaslight you.
The Accountability Check: Can they sit in the discomfort of being "wrong" without a blow-up?
Pro-Social Shifts: Moving from "I want to hurt you" to "I want to protect my life."
The Relapse Reality: Why "perfect" is a red flag and "stumbling" might be a good sign
Connect with Lee:
- My Courses: https://courses.mentalhealness.net
- 1-on-1 Coaching Calls: https://link.me/mentalhealness
Follow on Instagram/TikTok: @mentalhealnesss
If this episode helped you gain clarity, please leave a 5-star review on Spotify! It helps others find the validation they need to heal. 🌟
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So everyone wants to believe in a miracle. |
| 0:05.0 | Do you believe in miracles? |
| 0:07.0 | No, everyone wants to believe in miracles. |
| 0:10.0 | But in the world of narcissists and highly toxic people, |
| 0:14.0 | miracles are usually just another form of love bombing, |
| 0:18.0 | another form of manipulation, another form of keeping people stuck if you're |
| 0:23.9 | not if you knew here I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I've been in psychotherapy |
| 0:27.7 | for nine years dealing with this person out of the disorder and today I'm going to |
| 0:33.0 | tell you from my mind from my heart how to tell if a person that you're with that you think is |
| 0:38.8 | narcissistic, how to tell if that person is actually doing the work, or if they're just learning |
| 0:44.8 | new ways to be manipulative, learning new ways to trick you, learning new ways to keep you stuck. |
| 0:52.1 | Like sometimes they go to therapy and use the therapist vocabulary in order to be more |
| 0:56.0 | manipulative towards you. So that's what we're tackling today, y'all. Oh, that's literally, we happen |
| 1:01.6 | to, look, we wasted no time, no effort, we wasting no time hopping directly into this thing. |
| 1:08.1 | Because you know, if you've been dealing with a narcissist a lot of them |
| 1:11.4 | will promise to change a lot of them will promise to go to therapy a lot of them will i'm going to |
| 1:17.1 | change my behaviors i promise right i'm going to i'm going to be the best version of myself that i could |
| 1:23.7 | be i'm going to do this i'm going to do. I'm going to be the best version of a person |
| 1:29.9 | that I could possibly be because I love you and I want to be with you. Right. Just learning new ways. |
| 1:37.5 | Yeah, a lot of narcissists will just go to therapy just to learn new ways to be manipulative. |
| 1:42.5 | That's going to look. Look, yeah's going to get that out the way now, |
| 1:44.8 | because that is true. |
... |
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