About 10 years in we figured it out and we wrote Fair Fight Rules now we were learning them all along.

Yeah, but I'll give you the first just the beginning of the principle

When you're under pressure and you have conflict you want to be heard the objective is not to be heard but to hear. So my

job is to listen and our rule is I have not listened until she says I have. I have. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott and

your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at family life today.com.

This is family life today. So I remember sitting at the family life weekend remember marriage getaway two weeks before our wedding.

Yes.

Which it was a phenomenal weekend.

In fact, I got to say this, you know, before we can jump in, if you want to go to a Family Life

Weekend to Remember, sign up right now

because it's half off yeah they're happening right now we paid full price in 1980

and you can get half off yeah and you can do that family life dot com. I'm telling you it'll literally change your marriage.

But we were sitting there engaged two weeks from that Saturday.

We're going to be getting married and I'll never forget Dennis Rainy was on the stage and you know at the time

president and founder of family life and he said something like this and I know exactly

because it's in the in and we now teach it, but he says conflict is common to all marriages.

All marriages go through.

Oh, what do you think?

I mean, we're sitting there before we're getting married and we both thought not our marriage?

I really thought there has been no one on the entire planet that has loved and love each other the way we do. No one. And I think every couple

thinks that. Like nothing compares to our love for one and another. I remember

sitting around watching all these couples take notes. We didn't take any notes. We're like... I remember

...