Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about hitting the reset button. No matter where you are in your relationship,

starting over with your partner can be a possibility. Even if it

feels really dark right now, there's always a chance that you each can be forgiven for your

mistakes. Because at the end of the day, no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. But you have

to put in the work to actually start over.

And that can begin with putting away your old ways of doing things

and embracing a new way of loving each other.

Commit to better communication and learning more about your partner.

Ask open-ended questions and make sure you're really listening and make a plan to be intentional

about your partnership. That could mean waking up a little earlier so you can have breakfast

together instead of rushing out the door without so much as a kind word or a glance at each other

in the morning or crawl into bed at night a little earlier than usual,

so you can unwind together and talk about your day.

You can even think about hitting the reset button situationally.

Let's say your day started off on the wrong foot, because you got into an argument with your

partner, and now it feels like your day is just going downhill. But here's the thing,

your whole day doesn't have to be ruined. After those tense moments with your partner,

give yourself permission to ask for a do-over. It could be an immediate repair when you say,

I'm sorry, that came out wrong. Can I start again? Or maybe later on in the day you could say,

I feel bad about how crabby I was this morning. Can we talk about it tonight? And then do something to reset

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