If your partner is 70% there on the repair, like they've done their work, they've attuned,

they're present, they really are doing their work, and you just cannot get over it,

that 30% is yours to do. That's not actually the couple work. It's that empty well that your partner is probably

never going to be able to fill. Hi, hello. Welcome to Mary's Cup of Tea, the self-love podcast for

women. Though all self-lovers are welcome here. I'm Mary. I write and speak about self-love,

and I'm best known for my book, The Gift of Self-Love, and I also host retreats for women.

And this is the podcast that will inspire you to love yourself.

Fighting as a couple is normal.

Some, like our guests today, Beavoche, might even argue that it's necessary and healthy to have conflict

so that then you can repair and make your

relationship stronger. Beia Voce is a relationship repair expert, helping couples fight better

and make up faster. She holds an MSW from Columbia University, is an ongoing supervision

with Esther Perel, as well as trained and mentored by Terry Real.

Baya collaborates with Columbia University, Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies,

and Rick Doblin on pioneering research into MDMA-assisted couples therapy.

She regularly speaks at South by Southwest, and with over 5 million views,

her TED Talk on loneliness highlights

the often overlooked impact of relational disconnection. And here we're talking about exactly the

opposite. How do you connect more deeply in your relationship? And fighting, having conflict,

and then being able to repair is what Baya is here to talk to us about.

We dig into what healthy fighting looks like and how to navigate conflict with confidence

and trust and maybe not ease, but at the very least not feeling like the sky is falling

...