I think she just kind of wants like a kidney to land in her mailbox, you know, to have like no associated guilt or worry about the donor.

And I said, but if I take it out, it's not going to be any good to me anymore, you might as well.

Like I would hand it to her on a plate and she would have to, out of good manners, take it.

But she said, no, I won't take it.

I won't take your kidney.

This is how to, a show where we help people figure out the answers to life's most important questions. I'm Charles Duig.

Today, we're going to do something a little bit different. We're going to talk to someone who's facing an excruciating decision and ask,

how do you get at peace with making a huge sacrifice?

How do you plunge in when there's something you know you ought to do,

but you're scared because this choice will cause you pain and suffering.

And in the end, it might not even help the person you're doing it for.

My name is Mary.

I live in Utah and am a mother and a daughter and a sister and I work in research.

And how many kids do you have?

I have four.

My youngest is 12 and my oldest is 19.

Mary contacted us because she's very close to her family.

Her dad passed away a few years ago and her mom who lives close by

she's been dealing with a health problem

for years and because Mary works in medical research and because she and her

mom have this really strong relationship Mary's been the one to help her mom navigate through all these health issues.

So tell me about your mom.

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