Hey, how to team. My name's T.J. I'm calling because I have a question, a problem to solve.

I want to know how to forgive someone who hasn't asked for forgiveness. They say forgiveness is for yourself and it helps you move on some things.

And I'm ready to forgive somebody,

but I don't really know what that looks like. Welcome to how to the show where we take your

thornyest questions, questions that Google cannot answer and try to tackle them with the

wisest people we can find. I'm Amanda Ripley. Today we're going to grapple with the wisest people we can find.

I'm Amanda Ripley.

Today, we're going to grapple with the message you just heard, which TJ left on our how-to hotline.

She's 35 years old now, but still reckoning with things that happened when she was much younger.

My father was in and out of prison, so my mom was the one who raised us for a while until she went to prison. My parents are drug addicts. My father did pass away when I was nine.

My mother continued using, and she was a parent at 17, so, you know, she was a little busy

party to be a parent. T.J. says her mom had grown up with her own alcoholic mother. And after having T.J. at 17,

she had two more kids. And it was a constant struggle. This is where we should probably mention

that this episode will touch on child abuse, neglect, and suicide. We grew up in the projects.

We've had people, you know, coming in and out of our home, robbing us.

My mother allowed unspeakable things to happen to my sister and I, complete neglect.

And we kind of had to grow up really quickly and take care of ourselves.

From a young age then, TJ stepped into that caregiving role for her siblings,

dropping out of school to help keep a roof over their heads.

I had three jobs. I did all the things I needed to do. I was always hustling, always trying

to pay the bills and always trying to take care of everything. And I had so much anger

for this woman because she stole everything from me. I felt that I was robbed of a childhood.

...