Feeling loved is something all of us want.

It's essential to our health and happiness.

But we don't always get to experience it, even in our closest relationships.

You probably have people in your life who care about you deeply, your friends, your family,

a spouse or a partner, and yet you sometimes still feel unseen or disconnected from them.

Why is that? What's the difference between being loved and feeling loved?

How does psychologists define love in the first place?

Why is feeling loved so essential and why can it sometimes be so hard to achieve even when love is there?

What gets in the way and what mindsets or habits can help people feel more loved in their

everyday lives?

Welcome to Speaking of Psychology, the flagship podcast of the American Psychological Association

that examines the links between psychological science and everyday life.

I'm Kim Mills.

My guest today is Dr. Harry Reese, Dean's Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Rochester.

His research focuses on intimacy and understanding in closed relationships,

and especially on how being responsive to our partners shapes our relationships. Dr. Rees is an APA

fellow and has published more than 250 papers in academic journals. He has received

distinguished career contribution awards from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology

and the International Association for Relationship Research, and his work has been featured in media outlets,

including NPR, The New York Times, and Scientific American.

His new book, written with happiness researcher Dr. Sonia Leibomerski, is called How to Feel Loved, the Five Mindsets

that Get You More of What Matters Most.

...