How to Feel Loved: The 5 Mindsets That Change Everything | Sonja Lyubomirsky & Harry Reis – EP 730

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

John R. Miles

Mental Health, Alternative Health, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 779 Ratings

🗓️ 17 February 2026

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if the key to true happiness isn’t more achievements, more connections, or even more love poured your way, but actually feeling loved in the moments that matter?In this powerful episode of the Passion Struck podcast, world-renowned happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky and the preminent relationship researcher Harry Reis join John R. Miles to discuss their groundbreaking new book, How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most (Harper, February 10, 2026).Their radical insight: Feeling loved isn’t about becoming more lovable or chasing extrinsic rewards. It’s about showing your full, vulnerable self and inviting others to do the same—through intentional shifts in how we converse and connect.They introduce the Relationship Sea-Saw, a dynamic of reciprocity where one person lifts the other through curiosity and warmth, sparking a virtuous cycle of being truly known and valued. Through stories, science (from attachment theory to the costs of secrets), and even insights from their meeting with the Dalai Lama, they unpack why “going first” changes everything and how five practical mindsets can transform relationships of all kinds.If you’ve ever wondered why love sometimes feels like it’s missing even when it’s present or how to make it land more deeply, this episode offers a science-backed, hopeful roadmap.Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, and Interview Valet ranked it as one of the top 20 podcasts for business and mindset.Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/how-to-feel-loved-sonja-lyubomirsky-harry-reis/Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide:Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_MilesPre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/Learn More About Sonja Lyubomirsky: https://sonjalyubomirsky.comLearn More About Harry Reis: https://www.sas.rochester.edu/psy/people/faculty/reis_harry/How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most is available wherever books are sold.In This Episode, You Will Learn

Why being loved doesn’t always translate to feeling loved—and the painful "mattering gap" it creates
The 5 powerful mindsets: Sharing (vulnerability), Listening-to-Learn, Radical Curiosity, Open-Heart, and Multiplicity
The science of responsiveness: How genuine curiosity and presence make others feel seen—and lift you in return
Attributional ambiguity: Why extrinsic pursuits (money, status, beauty) often fail to deliver the warm glow of true love
Lessons from the Dalai Lama: Love as a decision—treating others as "each other’s mothers" and sending loving-kindness even to those you dislike
How feeling loved becomes a safe haven, fueling exploration, creativity, and a more psychologically rich life
Practical first steps: One 15-minute conversation to start remaking how love lands in your relationships

Support the Movement. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.comDisclaimerThe Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.

Connect with John

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/
Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
Keynotes, books, podcast, and resources: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Coming up next on Passion Struck.
0:02.1	People will pursue the goals of being famous, of making a lot of money, of being the most
0:07.8	beautiful person on the planet, that sort of thing.
0:11.3	When you pursue those extrinsic goals and other people admire you for that, it isn't experienced
0:18.3	as the real self.
0:19.8	You can never have enough money
0:21.1	because there's always somebody who makes more money.
0:23.3	There's a wonderful study that showed
0:25.4	that something like two-thirds of the millionaires
0:27.6	in America feel like they don't make enough money.
0:29.9	Because there's always someone more beautiful,
0:31.5	there's always someone more powerful,
0:33.2	there's always someone with higher status,
0:35.2	there's always someone who has won more awards than you. And so
0:38.9	when you're pursuing those more and more, it's not the real self that's coming through.
0:44.6	Welcome to Passionstruck. I'm your host, John Miles. This is the show where we explore the art
0:50.3	of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters.
0:54.8	Each week I sit down with change makers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode
1:00.1	the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what
1:04.8	hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming.
1:09.9	Whether you're designing your future, developing as a
1:11.9	leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from John R. Miles, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of John R. Miles and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.