you know part of me was like well if I said an ultimatum they're not gonna want

to miss my wedding of course they'll go ahead and get vaccinated but the other

part of me is like no there's a very good chance that they won't and that they

will see this ultimatum as kind of a threat and it yeah I really think that if I

was to say an ultimatum it could devastate our relationship welcome to how

to I'm Amanda Ripley this is a podcast for people who are struggling with

something really hard and don't know where else to turn and by the way if

that's you you can always write to us at how to at slate.com and that's how we

first met this week's listener who we're calling Jackie thank you so much for

getting back to me I was really shocked to excited honestly Jackie who lives in

Virginia works from home as a graphic designer and though something very

peaceful about your work space I don't know it's like very soothing but the

plans once I decided I was going to be working from home permanently I just I

was like if I'm gonna spend all my time in here I need to make it a little bit

more relaxing which is good because there's another part of her life that is

really stressing her out I recently got engaged my fiancé Tom and I are

planning to have our wedding in October of 2022 and while there's a lot to

plan that's not what's worrying her we have some family members with health issues

and we're still concerned about the pandemic and making sure that this event

isn't going to turn into an event that might spread disease to people that we love

or people in their circle so it immediately became an issue where I'm

starting to think how am I gonna have this conversation with my family that I've

...