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How to Do It: I’ve Only Just Discovered What Really Turns Me On. But What Is This Even Called?

Slate Daily Feed

Slate Podcasts

News, Business, Society & Culture

41.1K Ratings

🗓️ 30 January 2022

⏱️ 33 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This week, Stoya and Rich answer a letter from a man who’s just made a new sexual discovery about himself. Then they hear from a woman who’s feeling judged for her boundaries. Guest: Ryan Scoats Mentioned in the episode: ‘I don’t mind watching him cum’: Heterosexual men, threesomes, and the erosion of the one-time rule of homosexuality. Understanding Threesomes by Ryan Scoats *** Slate Plus members get another episode of the How to Do It podcast every Monday. Sign up for Slate Plus now for just $1. Read the How to Do It column on Slate here. If you’re in need of sex advice from Stoya and Rich, write in here or leave a voicemail at ‪(347) 640-4025 and we may use it on the show. Remember, it’s anonymous—and nothing is too embarrassing! Production by Chau Tu. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. Life is full of possibilities. A cheeky reply

0:06.8

to a message here could lead to a world of fun new experiences over there, and with Tinder

0:11.8

it all starts with a swipe. Strangers can become mates, mates can become lovers with matching

0:17.4

tattoos, or maybe it's not that serious. Whether a match leads to something new and exciting

0:22.4

or something personal, no matter what, all matches lead to self-discovery. Download

0:28.6

You're listening to this week's free episode of how to do it. Slate Plus members get

0:33.3

another episode of this podcast every Monday, and that's where we chat about some of our

0:37.2

juiciest letters. To hear those members' only episodes and get access to all of our how

0:42.0

to do it, advice columns on slate.com, sign up for Slate Plus at slate.com slash htdiplus.

0:51.2

Learning this podcast contains explicit language. Hi, I'm Stoya, I'm a writer and pornographer.

1:01.3

And I'm Rich Jesuyak, I'm a writer. Welcome to the how to do it podcast where we try

1:06.3

to help you with all of your sex and relationship issues twice a week. You can ask us anything

1:11.6

about sex or your bodies or dating etiquette or whatever. We're here to help.

1:17.5

Wow, the world is different now because of social media. It sure is. It's kind of hard

1:22.9

to imagine what it was like before. I also think that nobody ever imagined the degree to

1:31.1

which shaming and ostracization came to be such a part of people's lives. It's almost

1:38.7

like woven into the fabric of our culture at this point. Yeah, social pressure gets applied

1:46.1

swiftly and vigorously. And sometimes it's over difference of opinion, perspective or

1:55.1

judgment, not over an ism or a bigotry. It feels sometimes like a really toxic hobby because

2:06.4

like a lot of these conversations go absolutely nowhere. People leave them unchanged and yet there

2:12.6

has been so much turmoil and strife in the process that it seems like only kind of the bad

2:19.3

stuff is what actually got done. And yet I mean like implicit bias is one thing, but it'll be

...

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