A word of correction needs to be offered.

But I'm not going to give my interpretation of the data.

I'm just going to give the data.

I'm not going to slip into this thing where I'm talking about what I think your motivation might have been or your character.

I'm just saying,

I'm my name's Father Mike Schmitz, and this is Essentially Presents.

I know in the past I've talked about Dr. John Gottman and his wife who were clinical psychologists,

our clinical psychologists, our clinical clinical

psychologists who have studied couples around the globe. He had studied so many couples and how

they interacted with each other that he could listen to a couple or watch a couple,

have a conversation for 15 minutes, and he said that he could predict with 90% accuracy

whether or not they'd be divorced in three years. And it was just a pretty big claim. But he also said that the reason why is because he would look for these things he termed the four horsemen. I've talked about the four horsemen and other videos, but not this one. I don't think I've ever talked about the first of the four horsemen. The first of the four horsemen is criticism. And this is my understanding of John Gottman's teaching when it comes to

criticism. I think this can be really helpful for us, particularly those of us who are in relationship

with other people, which is all of us. So criticism is different than correction. Correction is

necessary. So here's a romantic relationship. Here's a working relationship. Here's a friend

relationship. Correction needs to be present.

Right? There are some times where I just have to say, okay, this was upsetting. Or I need to offer this word where there's some change that needs to happen. Correction. So example would be

this. I asked you three times this week to pick up the dry cleaning. Three times you said you would

pick up the dry cleaning. You still haven't done it. And I'm really upset. Or I was really counting on that. And now

I'm going to be late for X, Y, or Z. So that, that's simply a correction. That's a correction. When it comes to correction, what I'm doing is I'm offering the data. I asked you to pick up the dry cleaning three times you said you would pick the three times you said you pick it up you didn't

pick it up that's just the data right because we're trying to change behavior we're trying to

offer a correction you said you would pick it three times you said you pick it up you didn't pick it up that's just the data right

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