How To Control Emotional Reactions, with Dr. Kelly Flanagan
ManTalks Podcast
Connor Beaton
4.8 • 591 Ratings
🗓️ 13 April 2026
⏱️ 75 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
I sit down with Dr. Kelly to unpack what really happens when we get triggered and why it feels so hard to stay in control. We dive into how our nervous system hijacks us, how past experiences shape our reactions, and why awareness alone isn’t enough to change behavior. I also explore what it actually means to “keep your heart open” in conflict and how to take ownership without taking blame. This conversation is a practical look at how to respond instead of react, especially in relationships that matter most.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
00:00 What Is A Trigger
03:15 The Three Step Trigger Cycle
06:20 Why You Get Hijacked
11:50 Regulating The Nervous System
18:15 Fight Flight And Control Modes
27:30 Control And Letting Go
36:20 What Keeping Your Heart Open Means
43:30 Sensing Conflict Before It Happens
54:20 Taking Ownership In Conflict
01:04:00 What To Do During Conflict
***
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Self Worth
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | All right, Dr. Kelly Flanagan. |
| 0:07.4 | How are you doing today, my friend? |
| 0:08.7 | Good. |
| 0:09.2 | Thank you, Connor. |
| 0:09.9 | It's great to be here. |
| 0:11.4 | Yeah, man. |
| 0:12.2 | Well, connected through John Vroomin, a mutual friend of ours. |
| 0:16.6 | And anybody that comes through, John, is usually a good recommendation. |
| 0:20.7 | And so I thought |
| 0:21.3 | it would be worth sitting down. And I think your book and your work is very appropriate for our |
| 0:28.0 | audience and much needed. So I think this topic around getting triggered, being reactive, |
| 0:34.0 | how do we deal with our temper as a parent, as a partner, a husband, a boyfriend, |
| 0:39.2 | etc. I think that's very, very relevant. So let's dive in. For someone that's maybe newer to your |
| 0:46.0 | work, what is a trigger really? How do you describe it? And maybe what are most people |
| 0:52.7 | understanding about it, misunderstanding about it. |
| 0:55.7 | Yeah. In putting that word on the cover of a book, I realized I needed to address it right |
| 1:01.3 | away in the book. What does this mean? Because it means such different things for people. |
| 1:05.8 | And it's, you know, I'm a clinical psychologist by training. So triggered for me in a clinical sense is like |
| 1:13.0 | something that you use to refer to post-traumatic stress disorder. You know, you've got, say, |
| 1:18.0 | like a combat veteran who hears a car backfire and they're triggered. They start to have |
| 1:24.1 | flashbacks. They have a nervous system reacts. So there's a clinical sense, |
| 1:29.6 | and that's reserved for a relatively small group of people. And then these days, you know, you've got like, |
... |
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