How to Change Your Interpersonal Patterns

The Art of Accomplishment

Brett Kistler

Management, Mental Health, Personal Development, Education, Self-improvement, Business, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 269 Ratings

🗓️ 10 April 2026

⏱️ 32 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Joe and Brett break down a simple but powerful method for turning recognition into lasting behavior change. Joe walks through a real example from his own company, where he caught himself being "too helpful" in a way that was actually disempowering everyone around him, and explains how he used the Four A's to shift the pattern quickly and cleanly. Along the way, they explore why most behavior change fails, what makes this approach different, and why you have to feel a whole lot of stuff to do it right. They discuss: - The Four A's: Announce, Apologize, Ask, Act - What makes an apology upright rather than shame-driven - How asking for help breaks the isolation that holds patterns in place - Why you need five contrary actions, not just one - The difference between recognition and "should" - Where this method works, and where it doesn't

Transcript

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0:00.0	You taught me a really cool way to help my clients change their behavior by taking specific
0:05.3	actions in their lives.
0:06.4	It's a simple method just requires you to feel a whole bunch of stuff on the way.
0:12.1	You have these patterns because you're trying to avoid an emotional experience and you have to
0:16.7	feel all that experience to do it cleanly.
0:19.8	I was making excuses for people, which was deeply disempowering.
0:24.9	And so the first thing that I did, I announced the entire company I'd been doing this.
0:28.8	I'm sorry for this, and it's not okay.
0:33.7	You taught me a really cool way to help my clients change their behavior by taking specific
0:39.2	actions in their lives. And there's a really cool technique to it that I really want to talk about
0:44.8	and share with our audience today. Yeah, that'd be great. I think it's such a good thing because
0:48.9	it's so easy to use and it's so efficient and it's so like effective right it's like an effective
0:58.9	efficient way to change behavior a very specific kind of behavior but yeah great way to change it
1:06.1	especially if you've had that realization if you've had that moment of of, oh, I get it, now what do I do?
1:13.3	This is like a great answer to that question. Yeah, yeah. This is perfect for once somebody has
1:17.6	seen through a pattern because one thing we notice that a lot of times people will see a pattern.
1:22.0	Maybe they've seen it for years. Yes. And their life hasn't changed. They just see the thing. Correct. And we've talked a lot
1:29.2	about feeling the unfelt emotions behind a pattern. And we'll talk for sure some about that here.
1:34.5	But I want to really focus on specific action and how to structure changing your behavior through
1:42.6	actions. So let's get started. How does this work?
1:45.4	I call it the four A's. And the first thing is to announce it. Second thing is to apologize.
1:49.8	The third thing is to ask for help. And then the fourth thing is to act immediately. And there's a lot of
	...

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