How to Build (and Repair) Love: The Gottmans on What Every Couple Should Know
Finding Mastery with Dr. Michael Gervais
Dr. Michael Gervais
4.7 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 31 December 2025
⏱️ 68 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
The most powerful way to enter a new year is not with resolutions, but with a deeper understanding of how to connect with the people who matter most.
As we close out the year, the Finding Mastery team is taking time to rest, re-calibrate and reflect — practicing the same principles we talk about on this podcast.
So today, we’re sharing a conversation from the Finding Mastery Vault with two legends in the science of relationships: Drs. John and Julie Gottman.
Together, they’ve spent more than 50 years studying what makes love last — from small moments of connection to the hidden habits that quietly erode trust. In this conversation, we explore the daily rituals that deepen intimacy, how to repair after conflict, and why the best relationships aren’t perfect — they’re practiced.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to turn conflict into closeness through repair
- The four behaviors that quietly destroy relationships (and how to replace them)
- Why “love is a verb” — and what that means in action
- The difference between bids for connection and real listening
- How to communicate needs without criticism or defensiveness
From the entire Finding Mastery team, we wish you and your loved ones a very happy, healthy New Year. We’ll see you in 2026! Enjoy this episode with The Gottmans.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The most powerful way to enter the new year is not with resolutions. Rather, a deeper understanding of how to connect with people who matter the most to you. |
| 0:09.3 | Welcome back or welcome to the Finding Mastery podcast where we dive into the minds of the world's greatest thinkers and doers. |
| 0:15.9 | I am your host, Dr. Michael Jervais, by trade and training a high-performance psychologist. |
| 0:21.1 | The idea behind these conversations is simple. |
| 0:24.0 | It's to sit with the extraordinaries and to learn, to really learn how they work from the inside out. |
| 0:30.5 | This is not about hacks or shortcuts. |
| 0:32.8 | It's about what they're searching for, how they organize their inner life, |
| 0:36.6 | and the skills that they have |
| 0:38.2 | used to shape their craft and themselves. As we close out the year, the Finding Mastery team is |
| 0:44.7 | taking time to rest and recalibrate and reflect. Basically, we're using the same principles |
| 0:50.5 | that we talk about on the podcast. We're practicing those. So today, we're sharing |
| 0:54.7 | a conversation from the Finding Mastery Vault with two legends in the science of relationships, |
| 1:00.2 | Dr.'s John and Julie Gottman. In this episode, we explore the habits that strengthen love, |
| 1:07.2 | the patterns that quietly eroded, and the small daily commitments that create |
| 1:12.7 | trust, closeness, and lasting partnerships. It's a meaningful way to reflect on the year behind us |
| 1:21.0 | and to set intention for the one ahead. So from the entire Finding Mastery team, we wish you and your |
| 1:27.1 | loved ones a very happy, healthy |
| 1:29.4 | new year. |
| 1:30.2 | So with that, let's jump into this week's conversation with the Gottman's. |
| 1:40.0 | Oh, I can't believe I'm sitting down with the Gottman's. |
| 1:47.1 | And I just, I just want to say thank you for the contribution you've made to the field and to my professional and personal life as well. |
| 1:52.9 | And you've been in this for over 50 years and studying the science of love. |
... |
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