How to become the British monarch.

Historically, the crown sat upon your head mostly because you had the biggest army.

When you died, your eldest son kept control over that army, and so the crown relocated to his head.

Though, of course, someone with a bigger army could change the political landscape quite abruptly.

As time marched on, and the world grew less violent, eventually in 1701, Parliament established a set of rules

to transfer the crown from one head to another, hopefully with less turmoil than before.

So here's how the 1701 rules work.

First, don't be Catholic.

The British monarch is also the head of the Church of England, to which the monarch

must convert if not already a member.

Except that, if you're Catholic, no crown for you. The history of the royal family and how this rule came to be is a story for another time, but suffice it to say that bigger army diplomacy was involved.

And by the way, no, you can't cleverly get around this rule by converting from Catholicism to something else and then to Church of England.

In the eyes of the crown, Catholicism is transitive.

Second, don't be a bastard.

Sometimes it's good to be the king, but it's never good to be the illegitimate children of the King

who are out of line for the Crown from literally the moment of their conception.

If you're related to the monarch but are either a Catholic or a bastard or both,

the Crown has the delightful term,

naturally dead, to refer to you and your lack of right to succession.

Third, spouses don't count.

While people often think of kings and queens as a pair, that's not the way it works here.

Spouses of monarchs are known as royal consorts.

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