How to Become Securely Attached

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 3 July 2023

⏱️ 64 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In today’s episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on one of the most common, and most important, questions they get about attachment theory: can we heal our attachment wounds, and become more securely attached? They explore the basics of attachment theory, whether people can change their attachment style, and how much change is truly possible. They then discuss some common frameworks for change, the power of positive experiences, and how we can break out of the “catch-22” of attachment wounds. The episode ends with practical advice for what an anxiously or avoidantly attached person could do to become more securely attached over time. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:55: An overview of how attachment develops 7:40: Four components involved in changing your attachment style 10:50: The difference between our tendencies and our behavior 12:40: The four stages of growth, and developing “conscious competency” 17:35: Recognizing the ways you’re included, seen, appreciated, liked, and loved 25:00: The role of individual effort, and the real driver of motivation 29:10: What helps anxious people become more securely attached 41:35: And what helps avoidant people 49:55: How to ground ourselves when people are unreliable 55:25: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: InsideTracker gives you the personalized information you need to optimize your healthspan. Get 20% off by going to my special link: InsideTracker.com/beingwell. Go to healthycell.com/beingwell and use promo code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first order. Go to BrioAirPurifier.com and use code BEINGWELL to save $100 on a Brio Air Purifier. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, welcome to Being Well, I'm Forest Hanson.
0:10.9	If you're new to the podcast, thanks for listening today, and if you've listened before, welcome
0:15.0	back.
0:16.0	A topic that we explore regularly on the podcast is attachment theory, which is a great
0:21.3	framework for understanding how people relate to each other.
0:25.1	Because whether we're aware of it or not, our attachment patterns shape our ability to
0:28.6	trust other people, give and receive love, and ultimately find fulfillment in our relationships.
0:35.7	Today we're going to be focusing on one of the most common and most important questions
0:39.7	that we get about attachment.
0:41.6	Can we heal our old attachment wounds and become more securely attached over time?
0:47.3	To help us learn how to do that, I'm joined today as usual by Dr. Rick Hanson.
0:51.6	Because I clinical psychologist, he's the best-selling author, and he's also my dad.
0:56.1	So dad, how are you doing today?
0:57.9	I'm appreciating the qualities in you for us that can tolerate and accept my mistakes.
1:06.4	I mean, I have a mistake on a recording just before doing this one, and that's one of
1:13.5	the things that helps us to be securely attached to others who are not too horrible when
1:20.6	we mess up.
1:21.6	I just want to thank you for letting me be attached to you.
1:26.2	Well, that's very sweet.
1:27.6	Dad, yeah, we had a little recording staff here for a previous episode.
1:30.8	There was no wee about it.
1:32.1	He was in high.
	...

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