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Mind Love • Modern Mindfulness to Think, Feel, and Live Well

How to Be the Person Everyone Feels Understood By with Emily Kasriel • 401

Mind Love • Modern Mindfulness to Think, Feel, and Live Well

Melissa Monte | Mindset Mentor

Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.9897 Ratings

🗓️ 13 May 2025

⏱️ 65 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, you’ll learn: The surprising science behind what happens in our brains when we’re truly heard Simple ways to become a better listener—even in triggering or high-stakes moments How space, silence, and presence can transform your most important relationships Have you ever felt the difference between being truly heard... and just being tolerated? Like someone’s nodding while mentally replying to a Slack message. Versus the rare moment when a person locks eyes with you, puts their phone down, and you can feel them catching not just your words, but the meaning underneath them. We all think we’re good at listening. But let’s be real—we’re not. Studies show that while 95% of people rate themselves as “above average” listeners, most of us remember only about 25% of what we hear. That number tanks even further when we’re stressed, multitasking, or ready to argue. And it makes sense. Our brains process words four times faster than people can speak them. So while someone’s talking, we’ve got extra mental bandwidth—and most of us fill it with judgment, solutions, or planning our next line. In a world that’s loud, reactive, and full of half-listening, deep listening is a radical act. It heals. It reconnects. It reveals things we didn’t know we knew. So what if the most powerful thing you could offer someone right now isn’t your wisdom or your words… but your presence? Today our guest is Emily Kasriel. She’s a BBC journalist, executive coach, and workplace mediator. After experiencing the transformative power of being truly heard, she began exploring how deep listening could bridge divides and spark change in even the most charged conversations. Links from the episode: Show Notes: mindlove.com/401 Join the Mind Love Collective Sign up for The Morning Mind Love for short daily notes to wake up inspired Support Mind Love Sponsors Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Have you ever felt the difference between being truly heard and just being tolerated?

0:09.0

Like someone's nodding while mentally replying to a Slack message,

0:14.0

versus that rare moment when a person locks eyes with you, puts their phone down,

0:19.0

and you can feel them catching, not just your words,

0:22.5

but the meaning underneath them. I was at a coffee shop this week, editing podcast notes,

0:28.5

and I overheard this conversation that hit me square in the gut. This woman was talking to

0:35.7

her friend about being passed over for a promotion that she'd been

0:38.5

working toward for years. And you could hear how much she cared, how much this riled her up, how much

0:44.8

hope she'd attached to that one step forward. But her friend barely looked up, just tossed out

0:53.1

those lazy, well-meaning phrases like,

0:55.9

I don't just apply somewhere else, or maybe ask for more responsibility.

1:01.1

No real pause, no follow-up, no curiosity.

1:06.1

And I watched this shift happen.

1:08.8

I'm fascinated with human behavior, so I love eavesdropping. But this woman's

1:14.4

posture just folded in on itself. Her voice got quieter. Her eyes dropped to the table.

1:21.9

And then she picked up her phone too and just scrolled, checked out. Like she'd realized that she had already been alone in that

1:30.2

moment. Might as well do something about it. The conversation drifted to something shallow,

1:36.4

and the moment to connect was gone. And the worst part is, I've been both of them. The one craving to be heard, and the one too uncomfortable or too distracted or too fix-it-minded to actually listen.

1:53.0

We all think we're good at listening, but let's be real. We are not.

1:57.7

Studies show that while 95% of people rate themselves as above average listeners, most

2:03.7

of us remember only about 25% of what we hear. And that number tanks even further when

2:09.2

we're stressed, multitasking, or ready to argue. And it makes sense. Our brains process words

...

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