This TED Talk features social psychologist Heidi Grant, recorded live at TED Salon Rethink 2019.

So asking for help is basically the worst, right?

I don't, I don't, I've actually never seen it on one of those top ten lists of things people fear,

like public speaking and death, but I'm pretty sure it actually belongs there.

Even though in many ways it's foolish for us to be afraid to admit that we need help,

whether it's from a loved one or a friend or from a coworker or even from a stranger,

somehow it always feels just a little bit uncomfortable and embarrassing to actually ask for help,

which is, of course, why most of us try to avoid asking for help whenever humanly possible.

My father was one of those legions of fathers who,

I swear, would rather drive through an alligator-infested swamp than actually ask someone

for help getting back to the road. When I was a kid, we took a family vacation. We drove

from our home in South Jersey to colonial Williamsburg.

And I remember we got really badly lost. And my mother and I pleaded with him to please just

pull over and ask someone for directions back to the highway. And he absolutely refused.

And in fact, assured us that we were not lost.

He had just always wanted to know what was over here.

So if we're going to ask for help, and we have to, we all do, practically every day,

the only way we're going to even begin to get comfortable with it is to get good at it, to actually

increase the chances that when you ask for help from someone, they're actually going to say yes.

And not only that, but they're going to find it actually satisfying and rewarding to help you,

because that way they'll be motivated to continue to help you into the future.

So research that I and some of my colleagues

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