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Therapy in a Nutshell

How to Actually Change Your Life- You Need a System, Not a Goal

Therapy in a Nutshell

Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam

Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Education, Health & Fitness:mental Health, Self-improvement

4.8657 Ratings

🗓️ 25 December 2025

⏱️ 15 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

top relying on goals that fail. Learn how tiny habits, systems, and 1% improvements create real, lasting change for mental health, motivation, and daily life. Join the 31-day Emotion Processing challenge: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/htpe-30-skills-in-30-days-landing-page-1 Learn the skills to Regulate your Emotions, join the membership: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/membership Tired of setting big goals on Monday and giving up by Wednesday? In this video, you’ll learn why goals fail—and why building tiny habits and simple systems is the key to real, lasting change. We’ll break down how to start tiny, create 1% improvements, shape your environment, and build habits that actually stick, even if you’ve tried and failed before. You’ll learn practical steps to change your mental health, reduce stress, stop relying on willpower, and design a system that makes the better life automatic. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, unmotivated, or stuck in the “valley of disappointment,” this will give you hope—and a clear plan. Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapyinanutshell.com Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books  Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome back to another episode of the Therapy in a Nutshell podcast. I'm Emma McAdam and I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist.

0:07.0

And this podcast is all about taking the life-changing, but usually kind of complicated topics of therapy and boiling them down into simple, easy-to-understand concepts that you can use in your daily life.

0:18.6

If you find today's episode as helpful to you,

0:20.9

please pass it on to someone else who could benefit from it as well. Each podcast

0:24.5

episode comes from a corresponding video you can find on the Therapy in a Nutshell YouTube

0:28.6

channel. Also, these podcasts are educational and don't replace the advice or direction

0:33.1

you may be receiving from a therapist or other health professionals. Now please enjoy the episode.

0:38.3

Setting a big new goal feels amazing. I'm gonna get in shape. I'm gonna stop yelling at my kids.

0:45.3

This is the week I start to be happier. If you've ever said, I'm gonna change my whole life on Monday,

0:51.3

and then Monday comes and you're exhausted and your kids are melting down.

0:54.8

You know what I'm talking about. You give up, and that fire in your belly gets extinguished by

1:00.0

a bowl of Captain Crunch. But don't pull out the cereal yet, because I'm going to share

1:04.1

the system I use to create lasting change for myself and my clients. It won't fix everything

1:09.8

by Monday, but it will actually work over the long run,

1:12.9

and eventually you'll be at a place in the not too distant future where you can feel really good about who you've become.

1:27.1

Let's look at a goal like I'm gonna be happier.

1:30.3

Seems simple enough, right?

1:32.3

It's like one marble. Small, manageable.

1:35.3

You think, yeah, I can just carry that around.

1:37.3

Just remember to be happy.

1:39.3

But let's look closer.

1:41.3

Even a single goal, like I'm gonna to be happier or I'm going to stop yelling

...

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