How Self Protection Hurts Relationships

Famous at Home

Josh + Christi Straub

Parenting, Relationships, Christianity, Religion & Spirituality, Society & Culture, Kids & Family

4.9 • 653 Ratings

🗓️ 11 June 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Why do we self-protect in relationships? Especially if it hurts our deepest levels of intimacy with those we love?

Though we’re hurt in relationships, we’re also healed in relationships. As we continue season 5 on relational intelligence, we discuss the ways we self-protect, why self-protection is a form of artificial intelligence, and how to break free. Our hope for this episode is to give you hope that you can surrender self-protection and discover deeper relational connection with those you love.

Time Stamps:
0:00 Introduction
4:00 The ripple effect of relational intelligence
5:00 Self-protection as a form of artificial intelligence
8:12 The ways we self-protect
18:38 Ways to surrender our self-protection
24:06 Christi shares what she’s learning in her own journey of self-protection
31:43 Self-protection, overcoming fear, and the softening of your heart toward others
38:22 Disconfirming experiences, holding hope, and healing your heart

Show Notes:
If you’re interested in a marriage you love, fill out this form: https://www.famousathome.com/loveyourmarriage

Register now for the Tender & Fierce Fall Cohort: https://www.famousathome.com/offers/dDt2Aobj/checkout

Download NONAH's single Find My Way Home by clicking here: https://bellpartners.ffm.to/findmywayhome

Transcript

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0:00.0	Well, and I think it starts with you have to say what's true.
0:05.0	Like you actually have to say what is true.
0:09.2	So what are you afraid of?
0:12.4	Like at the core.
0:14.5	You are self-protecting out of fear.
0:18.1	What is the fear?
0:20.7	What is that big, like what is, I literally spent yesterday processing,
0:26.0	like, what is my biggest fear at the bottom of it all? I'm sure we all have multiple fears in life,
0:32.8	but the big one that's at the bottom, it is a root that often is the thing that filters up
0:39.2	through so many other things. Often it's because it was triggered very early. The enemy goes after
0:45.0	something, actually because the antithesis of it is how we're gifted, anointed, called, like,
0:50.9	in life. So you go to the root of it and then you will notice that thing has been repeated
0:56.8	throughout your life. So that lie, but also that, and therefore the fear that starts to attach to
1:03.0	it has just been continually repeated throughout your life. And it will be a theme. And so what is that for
1:09.4	you? Like say it out loud.
1:12.2	I won't lose hope in the night when the fire is growing down.
1:19.4	I'll just let go and I'll try.
1:23.9	Help me walk this road and find my way back home.
1:30.3	Find my way back home.
1:42.3	Welcome back to the famous and Donne podcast, Christy.
1:46.2	It's lovely to be with you again today.
1:48.7	It sounds like a radio announcer.
	...

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