How Not to Live Through Our Kids

What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood

Kids & Family, Comedy, Parenting

4.8 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 18 March 2026

⏱️ 43 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

First, we’re setting aside our own hopes and dreams to have (and raise) our kids. Then, we’re relentlessly mocked (perhaps correctly) for being overinvested in the fourth-grade luau. Are we living through our kids? And how do we stop? Psychologists have long said that mothers transfer our own unfulfilled ambition onto our children. “Symbolic self-completion theory” suggests that we look to our children as symbols of ourselves, and transfer our ambitions to them— which is why we’re not jealous when they get the big part in the school play; we’re a little too thrilled. Sing out, Louise! But as psychologist Wendy Mogel reminds us, our children are not our masterpieces , and pushing them towards our own notions of greatness prevents them from becoming the humans they are meant to be. In this episode, we discuss the pitfalls of “achievement by proxy distortion” and how to take a step back if you find yourself a little too enmeshed. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Wendy Mogel Wendy Mogel: BLESSING OF A SKINNED KNEE Our episode "Pushing Kids the Just-Right Amount" What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, living through your kids, parenting psychology, ambition transference, symbolic self completion theory, achievement by proxy distortion, youth sports parents, parenting expectations, supporting kids passions, parenting identity, parenting advice podcast, parenting and ambition, modern parenting challenges Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Sing out Louise.
0:03.5	What fresh hell.
0:05.3	Laughing in the face of motherhood.
0:07.6	It doesn't matter how many palm trees there are.
0:09.7	With Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
0:12.5	Oh, I guess we can move the whole family to Florida.
0:14.6	A podcast that solves today's parenting dilemmas so you don't have to.
0:19.7	Amy, do I remember that story?
0:21.8	Of course, I do.
0:22.6	Killer cheerleader, mom.
0:31.4	Hello, everyone, and welcome to What Fresh Hell laughing in the face of motherhood.
0:35.2	This is Margaret.
0:36.1	And this is Amy.
0:36.8	This week we are talking
0:38.0	about how not to live through our kids or how to, yeah, how not to live through our kids or how
0:44.1	to not live through your kids. I think you could say either. How not to, how to not. Whatever order
0:49.8	you want those words in, I think we know what we're talking about. You see what I'm getting at, and I feel like
0:55.8	this is a place where we are told to go and then are mocked for having gone, right? Like as
1:02.7	100%. As default parents, particularly as mothers, we are supposed to, it's part of the assignment,
1:09.5	to put your own stuff aside and put your
1:14.3	daughter's Irish step dancing or your son's diving or, you know, travel soccer, whatever it is.
1:20.9	You're enhancing their dreams. You're putting what they want to do first because you love them.
	...

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