How Not to Become Your Parents
ShrinkChicks
Jennifer Chaiken, LMFT and Emmalee Bierly, LMFT
5 • 717 Ratings
🗓️ 6 October 2025
⏱️ 49 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This week on ShrinkChicks, Em and Jen dig into the topic of breaking intergenerational patterns and the ways in which we end up just like our parents, for good and for bad. From inherited quirks and “mental health heirlooms” to subconscious habits we don’t notice until a third party points them out, they explore what to carry forward and what to leave behind.
Listener questions include how to cope when parents won’t acknowledge past harm, setting boundaries without cutting contact, and resisting the pull of old family dynamics. Em and Jen share practical tools for breaking cycles in the moment, from creating pauses and practicing new behaviors to building new normals and offering yourself compassion when you slip up. Plus, in Dear Em & Jen, they respond to a listener grieving her shifting role as her brothers’ girlfriends become part of the family.
Tune in to gain insight, awareness, and action! PS: Fast forward to around 2:30 to skip the intro and get straight to today’s content.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | How do you manage breaking cycles when family interprets it as a direct attack on them? |
| 0:05.0 | So here's what I say. |
| 0:07.0 | Their discomfort does not mean you're doing something wrong. |
| 0:12.0 | It actually often means you're doing something right. |
| 0:15.0 | Well, and also, of course they feel like that, right? |
| 0:17.0 | You're changing the entire homeostasis and equilibrium of the relationship, right? |
| 0:22.0 | All of a sudden, I'm changing and doing everything different. It's going to feel like a personal attack. |
| 0:28.1 | They can still feel like it's a personal attack and you can still set a boundary. And you can approach it with love. of. Welcome back to another episode of shrink chicks. Take a seat on our virtual therapy |
| 0:48.2 | couch and get ready to learn all about, well, you. I'm Emily Bearley. And I'm Jennifer |
| 0:53.3 | Chakin. And we're both licensed, |
| 0:55.2 | marriage and family therapist and relationship experts. We're the owners and founders of the |
| 0:59.5 | therapy group, a nationwide psychotherapy practice with down-to-earth therapists just like us. |
| 1:05.2 | Your session is starting. So get ready to know yourself and grow yourself. |
| 1:12.2 | So let me be honest for a second. |
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| 1:17.8 | You know the drill. |
| 1:18.8 | Strap sticking in, bands that never sit quite right, |
| 1:22.2 | underwear that either rolls or rides up. |
| 1:24.9 | I'd get so frustrated shopping for bras and underwear that I kind of gave up. |
| 1:29.4 | I'd add things to my cart online, stare at them, and then just never check out. Because in the |
| 1:34.6 | back of my mind, I figured it'll just be another letdown. But recently, I finally took the |
| 1:39.6 | plunge with skims, and I cannot believe I waited this long. I started with a fits everybody |
... |
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