How Modern Dating Became Such a Dumpster Fire (ft. Sadia Khan)

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast

Mark Manson

Self-improvement, Education

4.8 • 3.8K Ratings

🗓️ 22 May 2024

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

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Let's be honest: the modern dating landscape is a shit show. From declining marriage rates and rising infidelity to the nightmare of using dating apps—it's brutal out there.

With all these supposedly "easy" ways to meet new people, why are the people who want long-term, stable relationships so fed up with the dating world?

I invited dating and relationships coach Sadia Khan on the pod to discuss how the skills we use to excel in modern dating often sabotage long-term happiness.

Sadia brings a refreshing, thought-provoking perspective to the conversation that will help you navigate the complexities of today's dating world. We dive into the role of self-esteem in successful relationships, the pitfalls of modern dating advice, and the skewed expectations shaped by social media, dating apps, and pornography.

Enjoy.

Transcript

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0:00.0	When I was young, pretty much all of the marriage and relationship advice I heard boiled down to wait as long as possible to do it.
0:07.2	Don't marry until you're 30, date as many people as you can, take care of yourself first.
0:12.0	Don't give up too much of yourself.
0:13.6	Date around, find someone who's perfect for you. And if they're not perfect for you,
0:17.8	kick their ass to the curb and move on with no regrets. Now statistics say that the past two generations have
0:23.6	apparently taken this advice to heart. The marriage rate is at an all-time low
0:28.1	people are waiting longer than ever to marry and people date more frequently and
0:32.0	date more people than ever before.
0:34.4	Non-monogamy is becoming a thing.
0:36.4	And the coup de gra, infidelity rates have risen every decade stretching all the way back
0:41.4	the free love 60s.
0:42.7	Now with dating apps, it's never been easier to drop one person
0:46.2	and skip right to the next one.
0:48.0	Sorting people by your ideal checklist of traits
0:50.5	is standard now, and the refrain of,
0:52.4	they weren't right for you you can do
0:54.0	better has never been stronger yet if you dig into the psychological literature the
0:58.4	findings are clear married people are happier they live longer they make money, they report more meaning and satisfaction in their
1:04.9	lives. Being in long, boring, stable relationships is good for our mental health and happiness.
1:10.9	Yet the message to young people seems to be the opposite.
1:14.0	Long-term relationships matter.
1:15.8	I didn't appreciate this until I was well into my 30s.
	...

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