How Lying To Yourself (A Little) Can Improve Your Relationships and Make the World Feel Less Insane | Shankar Vedantam

10% Happier with Dan Harris

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Dan Harris, Health & Fitness, Mindfulness, Dharma, Mental Health, Meditation

4.6 • 12.2K Ratings

🗓️ 29 September 2025

⏱️ 73 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Anyone with a passing familiarity with Buddhism will know that “delusion” is rarely, if ever, mentioned in a positive way. In fact, the Buddha included delusion (aka: confusion about the way things really are) on his list of “the three poisons.” The whole point of meditation, per the Buddha, is to uproot delusion -- along with greed and hatred. Only then can you be enlightened.

My guest today is here to valiantly make the case that delusion -- or self-deception -- has an upside. Many upsides, in fact. While he concedes that self-deception can, of course, be massively harmful, he argues that it also plays a vital role in our success and wellbeing, and that it holds together friendships, marriages, and nations. Understanding this, he says, can make you happier, more effective, and -- crucially -- more empathetic with people with whom you disagree.

Shankar Vedantam is the host of the popular podcast and radio show Hidden Brain. His latest book is called Useful Delusions: The Power and Paradox of the Self-Deceiving Brain.

In this episode we talk about:

the many ways our brains filter and alter our perception of reality
why we evolved for a robust capacity to lie to ourselves
and how his research on delusions has colored his view of the chaos and confusion of our modern world.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	It's the 10% happier podcast.
0:07.7	I'm Dan Harris.
0:19.6	Hey guys, anybody with a passing familiarity with Buddhism will know that delusion is rarely, if ever, mentioned in a positive way. In fact, the Buddha included delusion, otherwise known as confusion about the way things really are, on his list of the three poisons. The whole point of meditation, per the Buddha,
0:39.2	is to uproot delusion along with the other two poisons, which are greed and hatred. Only then,
0:45.0	he argued, can you be enlightened? My guest today, however, is here to valiantly make the case that
0:50.6	delusion or self-deception actually has an upside, several upsides. While he concedes
0:57.0	that self-deception can, of course, be massively harmful, he also argues that it can play a
1:02.3	vital role in your success and your well-being, and that it can hold together friendships,
1:07.3	marriages, even nations. Understanding this, he says, can make you happier, more effective, and crucially more
1:14.2	empathetic with people with whom you disagree.
1:16.8	Shankar Vedantam is the host of the incredibly popular and very, very good podcast and radio
1:22.5	show Hidden Brain.
1:24.5	Shankar's most recent book, which was published in 2021, is called Useful Delusions, The Power and Paradox of the Self-Deceiving Brain. Shankar's most recent book, which was published in 2021, is called Useful Delusions,
1:28.6	The Power and Paradox of the Self-Deceiving Brain. In this conversation, we talk about the many,
1:34.1	many ways in which our brains filter and alter our perception of reality, why we evolved for such
1:38.9	a robust capacity to lie to ourselves, and how his research on delusion has colored his view of the chaos and
1:46.5	confusion of our modern world. We recorded this interview back in 2021 when we were in the
1:51.7	thick of the COVID pandemic. You will hear us refer to that, including a discussion of vaccine
1:57.0	hesitancy, which is unfortunately an issue that is still very much with us today.
2:02.2	Today's episode comes with a custom guided meditation from our teacher of the month, Vinnie
2:06.5	Ferraro. It's really cool and quite innovative. The meditation is all about what it feels like
2:12.1	in that moment when you wake up from delusion or confusion. It can be liberating. It can be discombobulating, even embarrassing.
	...

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