How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss

Huberman Lab

Scicomm Media

Science, Life Sciences, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 30.3K Ratings

🗓️ 29 November 2021

⏱️ 133 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology. Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships. This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships. Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://athleticgreens.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman Timestamps 00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss 00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up 00:08:33 Choosing a Mate 00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires 00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates 00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History 00:32:20 Deception in Courtship 00:37:30 Emotional Stability 00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest 00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects 00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching 00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference 00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment 00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity 01:04:35 Contraception 01:06:22 Status & Mating Success 01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence 01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence 01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc. 01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy 01:33:25 Stalking 01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments 01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity 01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships 01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth 02:02:12 Self Deception 02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience 02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks 02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements Disclaimer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Uberman Lab podcast where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life.
0:09.1	I'm Andrew Huberman and I'm a professor of neurobiology and
0:12.7	Ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. My guest today is Dr. David Busse. Dr. Busse is a professor of psychology at the University of Texas
0:21.0	Austin and he is one of the founding members and luminaries in the field of evolutionary psychology.
0:26.0	Dr. Busse's laboratory is responsible for understanding the strategies that humans use to select mates in the short and long term and
0:35.8	He is an expert in sex differences in mating strategy. His laboratory is explored for instance
0:41.4	Why women cheat on their spouses or their long-term partners as well as why men tend to cheat on their spouses and long-term partners?
0:49.3	He's also explored a number of things related to the courtship dance that we call dating and securing a mate
0:57.3	including the use of deception related to
1:00.3	Proclamations of love or promises of finances or sexual activity. Dr. Busse's laboratory has also evaluated how
1:07.4	status is assessed meaning how we evaluate our own worth and our potential as a mate and
1:13.3	Who is let's just say within range of a potential mate both in the short and long term?
1:19.7	For instance today we talk about how people don't just make direct assessments of
1:24.9	their own and other people's value as a potential mate
1:27.6	but also using the assessments of others to indirectly determine whether or not they
1:32.7	Stand a chance or not in securing somebody as a short or long-term mate. His laboratory has also focused on some of the
1:39.5	complicated and varied emotions related to mating love in relationships such as lust and jealousy and
1:46.5	He's extensively explored something called mate poaching or the various strategies that men and women use to make sure that the
1:53.5	Person that they want to be with or the person they are with is not with anyone else or seeking anyone else and indeed that other people
2:01.3	Don't seek their mate. Dr. Busse's work also relates to how biological influences such as
2:07.5	ovulation or time within the menstrual cycle influences mate selection or
2:12.9	tendency to have sex or not with a potential short or long-term mate and
	...

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