How do I overcome a toxic relationship with a parent so we can let go of our contentious

past?

It will require the cooperation of the parent.

If that fails, then it might require boundary setting.

It's so easy for us to believe that we can actually change other people and it's impossible.

The only people we can change are ourselves.

And even that's damn hard.

So what makes us think we can actually change other human beings?

We can't.

That's why I love Alonan, by the way, which is the support group for people who are in relationship

with addicts and alcohol.

It's because it says, don't bother trying to change that person, work on yourself.

And that's the only way that I think you're going to be able to live in a positive relationship

with that person.

If the toxicity becomes too self-damaging or just not too self-damaging, which is damaging,

then you have to erect the proper boundaries to protect yourself and the relationship.

Like a good boundary will protect the relationship from imploding.

So all that stuff is really important, but it's to give up the idea that she can actually

change, but to maybe create the environment in which the possibility of change would be

more probable.

But I think people are often like, what they're really asking is, how do I change that person?

How to make this relationship better and you can't?

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