Holiday homecomings kindle hopes of achieving a domestic ideal, though family gatherings are also likely to evoke old roles and emotions. Families open a portal into the patterns of the past, and unfinished business can cause repetition of disappointing dynamics as if one more replay will yield a different outcome. John Gottman, renowned interactive researcher, states that authentic relationships have more positive than negative interactions, creating an emotional bank account to draw on when difficulties arise. If relational deposits are low, it may be time to face the disappointing reality of what should have been and may never be. It’s time to start something new. We can engage the task of making a home within instead of seeking it from others. When we are at home with ourselves, we are free to enjoy relationships for what they have to offer.

Complicated family dynamics are not modern affectations but part of the original fabric of human psyche. Fairy tales offer a wellspring of archetypal images that capture elements of collective experience curated over thousands of years. These stories help define universal problems and offer attitudinal solutions. For example, Nordic tales frequently include trolls that embody unrestrained primal instincts that disrupt the peace, make uncivilized demands, and, once sated, return to the wilderness, often with a promise to return. The Norwegian tale, The Cat on the Dovrefell, helps us understand how we collude with disruptive holiday dynamics and what might be required to keep them at bay.

From the ancient wellspring of fairytales to the insightful observations of current researchers, one thing remains constant – challenging dynamics constellate when families gather for the holidays, requiring accurate recognition and skillful intervention. With this in hand, we might artfully disrupt old family patterns and bring forward the warm experiences of love and connection we hope for.

LOOK & GROW

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