In the 50s, no one talked about being bipolar, but my mother often scolded me not to give in to those

highs and lows. I think she was just afraid, and she caused me to be afraid too.

I did have highs and lows, especially as a teenager. I think most teenagers

too. But I lived much of my life trying to be the stable and solid member of our family.

I learned to avoid the dreaded extremes by being

suspicious and critical of any desire that raised the tide of anticipation. I

wanted to try out for a play, but I talked myself out of it by focusing on my failures. I wanted to answer questions in class, but

feared that my answers might sound stupid if they were different from what

someone else might say. I wanted to talk with a cute boy, but I chose to sit quietly and study hall and keep my head down. I poked holes in desire so that it would sink before it sank me. Even now sometimes it feels risky and selfish to

desire, ask, and choose space and time for myself. I find it much easier to support

the desires of my husband and my children and grandchildren.

It has been safer and easier to birth their dreams than to nurture mine.

Hi everyone and welcome to the Ransom Heart

podcast. This is Stacy Eldridge and I'm here with John and Becky

Allender, the author of Hidden in Plain Sight, One Woman's Search for Identity, Inimacy, and Calling,

from whom that excerpt was taken.

Hi Becky, thanks for joining us.

Hi, John.

It's great to be here.

Yes, we are actually sitting in a closet in order to get a decent recording.

We're here on the road with our friends Dan and Becky and

Becky has taken an enormous step in her personal journey to come out of hiding in a sense and write a beautiful book. As Stacey knows, it is

...