Heist Special Series - Chapter 5 - THE TURKEY HEIST!
Heist Podcast
Matt And Sie
4.8 • 575 Ratings
🗓️ 23 September 2025
⏱️ 34 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
THE TURKEY HEIST
Simon and Matt discuss how they would pull of the perfect heist based on everything they've learned on the pod.
Target date
Thanksgiving. Long weekend, most businesses are shut down. Lots of money in the bank.
Target - A bank in the Hamptons.
A bank that has safety security boxes and caters to rich people. Find a location where we can use the sewer system to cut down on tunneling and hide your tracks.
Here is a play-by-play of how we would pull off the perfect heist.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Chapter 5. Matin-Size Perfect Heist. All right. So we've learned a lot about Heist and we've covered 200 episodes. |
| 0:08.6 | We decided to take every bit from all the ones that succeeded and put them together like a |
| 0:14.0 | heist puzzle and build what we think could be the perfect heist, a heist that we could pull off. |
| 0:19.9 | A perfect Heist Piaiaella? I think it is exactly |
| 0:22.3 | that. Yeah, exactly. It's a heist paella. So, I mean, with that in mind, bear with us, |
| 0:28.9 | because this isn't the most simple heist. No. You need another level of complication to make something |
| 0:35.0 | this perfect. It's a commitment. So try to follow all the moving parts. Can I make like a small observation in reading this and thinking about this? Yeah. This is a, this reminds me, I'm getting like slight like, like remember when OJ released the if I did it book? Like I'm like, if we ever decide to pull off a heist, boy, howdy is this going to be an incredibly |
| 0:55.4 | incriminating podcast. Oh, man, we would have blown, we would blow it for ourselves. Yeah. |
| 0:59.5 | We're not. We were with this, with this, we, it's official to say we will never pull off a house. |
| 1:05.6 | Unless like we use a classic like, what, you think we would actually do the heist we talked about |
| 1:09.9 | on our book yeah or yes is |
| 1:11.8 | this a misdirect yeah or a far different oh even better more perfecter house exactly the other point |
| 1:19.6 | we might point out is no copycats don't take this as an instruction do not this is a bad no you |
| 1:25.5 | know what after reading this and talking about this if you copy this |
| 1:29.1 | wow commitment wow because there's like i think we should jump in a few points here and just like call |
| 1:35.0 | out like the perfect heist requires a lot of thought yeah and a lot of time a lot of time everyone |
| 1:42.3 | has to stay focused for a very long time give up up on their entire life. Your entire life is ruined if you follow through on the perfect ice. But that's the, you know, sacrifice of a perfect ice. That's the only way you can do it. It's the only way you can do it. Should we get into it? Let's do it. Let's do it. I'm excited. So we're calling this the turkey heist. Yep. Gobble, gobble, gobble, mother effort. Okay, this is what we're thinking. This is what we think would be how we would pull it off. Yeah, we were to pull it off. Yeah. Should I start, should I start with the planning? Start with the planning. Okay, so because there is a little, I mean, it's like, it's like a backstory, right? need to get the the backstory sort of thing. So it starts with one of us is going to need to go to jail. Okay. And the reason for that is we need we need some connections in the criminal underworld. Me and you, we're way too squeaky clean. Yeah. Like we do not have the people we need in our pocket to pull this sort of thing off. So we need one of us to do a crime that they can actually kind of be proven that they were innocent of so their record can be wiped. You know what I mean? But like they have to do something to get sent to jail. Correct. But later in trial. Right. You know what I mean? You need to do something where it's like, oh, this is shady. We got to put him on trial, but let's |
| 2:51.1 | keep him in jail for six months while he's on trial. That's the sweet spot. So right there, if we're talking about copycats, you know, yeah, you're already starting with all. You're already starting there, right? You're going to have to make. And then, of course, what you're going to have to figure out a way to do is make a like a video alibi so that you can definitely get out. |
| 3:09.4 | You know what I mean? |
| 3:09.9 | Yeah, for the crime that you've fake set up. Yeah. So it's like, it's like, you know, like do the old like, oh man, you're under arrest for suspicion of something. They put you away. But you have like a video already of you at like a YouTube concert or something with a ton of like Taylor Swift Swift con like something with a ton of people so it's like unmistakably like no no no I was |
| 3:28.4 | there like that like that Larry David curb your enthusiasm like just like that yes exactly like |
| 3:35.0 | that this is going to be something you have to wait on trial for but while you're waiting in jail |
... |
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