Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylif Jesse Thorn. This week, Kier Shee, Sheer Hee.

Kelly brings the case against her boyfriend, Ryan. Ryan wants to grow a beard.

Kelly thinks it would be unsightly and uncomfortable for her. Should Ryan be allowed to grow his beard?

Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom

and presents the obscure cultural reference.

So you towel down first with a hot towel as hot as you can stand.

But the razor in cold water, not hot because metal does what in cold?

I don't know Judge Johnny. That's what I'm telling you. It contracts.

That way you get a first-class shave every time.

Okay, Judge. Ain't the life though.

Swear him in.

Please rise and raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? I do. I do.

You swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he recently shaved his facial hair,

wherein his power resided. I do. Very well. Judge Hodgman.

Ryan and Kelly, you maybe seated. Jesse, by the way, you took my big reveal.

I was going to try to keep Ryan and Kelly and the listening audience in suspense

over whether or not I was still a bearded person or a稀ven one.

But I did you guys shaved it all off in a mad fit on Saturday morning.

And as you can probably hear now, there is no whistling through my beard anymore.

I speak with no gravitas, anti-gravitas of the baby faced.

That said, Ryan and Kelly, for an immediate summary judgment in one of your's favors,

...