My younger sister just got proposed to.

And the hurt, the heart that I feel, it's so overwhelming.

My partner of age years is amazing.

After multiple, multiple conversations that we had, he just doesn't believe in the institution,

doesn't believe in the ritual, doesn't believe in the ritual, doesn't believe in the

romantic side of it. And he made it very clear that this is not the path for us. And most of the time,

I'm okay without. I can't kill the hope, but I live happily. And those moments, when somebody close to me

experiences something that I deeply so much desire. I feel the pain really, really deep.

My other sister, I'm the oldest of the three, also got proposed about three years, four years ago.

And it was also a very difficult experience and I remember processing it in a little bit different way. I think I tried to just bottle

my emotions and pretend that I didn't need it. Today it's a bit different. I feel like I want to let

those emotions out. Growing up as a child from a different biological father to my sisters,

created quite deep wound for me of being somehow not enough or different or just outcasted.

Maybe this experience is kind of replicating this desire because I had multiple relationships and we always had that same issue where the person would be against it and I would drop the relationship.

It's just without that ritual, without that jewelry, without that party, without that public declaration.

But that pain, like I feel now, it beats me.

I feel like maybe it will never go away.

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