He Cheated. Then He Had a Son. Here's What He Did Differently

LOVERS by Shan

Lemonada Media

Relationships, Society & Culture, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

5.0 • 5.7K Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2026

⏱️ 72 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sex Is a Skill. Beducated is where you learn it. Join Beducated today at https://beducate.me/loversbyshan. Big love to the sponsor of this episode, CozyEarth! Head to https://cozyearth.com/LOVERS and use my code LOVERS for an exclusive 20% off. Head to www.penguinrandomhouse.com to get your copy of Caro Claire Burke’s new book Yesteryear, a gripping, darkly funny thriller about an influencer trapped in a nightmare version of the past. —----- Dondré Whitfield on why men cheat — and what nobody taught them about love. Dondré Whitfield is an actor best known for his roles in Guiding Light, Queen Sugar, and The Game, and the author of Male vs. Man (a book about what it actually means to be a man in the context of family, fatherhood, and love). In this conversation, he traces the origin of his infidelity not to a moment of weakness but to a moment of watching his father lust after other women in plain sight (that was the day, he says, the cheater in him was born — not because he wanted to be that man, but because he didn't yet know he had a choice). What follows is one of the most specific and honest conversations we've had on this show about what it looks like when a man finally decides to understand himself and then builds an entire framework so his children don't have to start from zero. His concept, "we date as a family" (where the whole family meets not just the person a child is dating but their father too, so everyone can help scaffold the relationship toward something healthy), is practical, radical, and worth hearing in full. Follow Dondré Whitfield Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/alldondre/ Website → https://www.dondrewhitfield.com/ Get Dondré's book Male vs. Man → https://a.co/d/0het8rPc Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Lemonada. What if the lifestyle you sold online became a nightmare you couldn't escape?
0:09.9	In Caroline, Claire Burke's darkly funny, gripping debut novel yesteryear, Natalie is the picture-perfect
0:16.8	Tradwife influencer to her millions of followers until one day, she wakes up in the year 1855
0:23.1	to a terrifying life that is nothing like the fantasy she portrayed. Her next move, escape by any
0:29.5	means necessary. Yesteryear is available now in print, audio, and ebook. You need me, whether you
0:37.3	tell me or not.
0:39.3	I don't think people ever hear about the devastation that guys feel when they cheat.
0:48.3	I think about my young self, being in a position to lead, and I don't have the answers.
0:55.0	How do you make men who don't cheat?
0:58.0	You said that you had a really cool way that you're teaching your son.
1:01.0	The same rules implemented for our daughter,
1:05.0	who's 21 years old and who's in a beautifully committed relationship,
1:10.0	are the same rules that we have for our son.
1:12.9	I put my finger on the moment between me and my father
1:17.6	when I was about 11 or 12 years old.
1:20.2	The cheater in me was born in that moment.
1:23.4	When I give to my son now,
1:26.8	I give to my son in honor of my father.
1:31.3	Because I know he didn't.
1:37.3	Hi there, lovers. Welcome to the podcast. My name is Shan. Favorite quote. The key to happiness is managing expectations.
1:43.3	So here's what to expect with this episode.
1:45.4	I sit down with actor and author Dondrey Whitfield, who talks about the devastation he experienced when he cheated on someone.
	...

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