Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about preparing yourself for difficult conversations with your loved ones.

That doesn't sound fun, does it?

Difficult conversations aren't fun to have with anyone, let alone someone that you love.

But sometimes it's necessary to have those conversations that begin with a pit in your stomach and sweaty palms.

Preparation is the best way to make sure it goes as well as possible.

Why do you need to prepare?

If it's a difficult conversation,

that means the conversation could carry some big and strong feelings for you, your loved one,

or for both of you. Your words and theirs could come with some serious weight. You need to be mentally and physically prepared to talk about it and for the outcome.

This could go good, bad, or somewhere in between. There are some questions that you can ask

yourself to make sure you're ready before the conversation begins. Flat out ask yourself,

am I ready to have this conversation? You need to be able to talk about the

specific conflict or incident without getting mired in the emotionality of it again. Also ask

yourself, am I calm enough to have this conversation? Are you able to differentiate between

your emotions and the events that occurred? You might not be there yet. And that's okay. But it's important

to recognize that before the difficult conversation begins, because you might not be ready to talk

about it. Are you willing to seek to understand the experiences of this event outside of your own?

You'll need to be able to consider the other person's viewpoint. So if you're still solely engrossed in your own, you may want to rethink the timing of this conversation.

Are you willing to speak from your experience without trying to persuade?

Are you willing to attune to the feelings of others and what the event that you're upset about meant to them?

And are you in a position where you can be fully

...