Hello, I am Andy Zaltzman, as you may know.

The Bugle, as well as being the world's only ever, longest-running and arguably best audio newspaper for a visual world,

is one of the very few fully independent media empires remaining in this thus far very silly millennium.

Our voluntary subscribing listeners have made this possible, and you, if you are not already one,

can join them to keep our shows free, flourishing and independent for the rest of all eternity.

Disclaimer, eternity may not be completely eternal.

Get more of what you love.

Exclusive subscriber-only content, including the almost monthly Ask Andy show,

in which I, Andy, answer your questions, plus fresh hits of

Bugle merch. We just sent our premium subscribers a jigsaw with my face on it. If that doesn't sell it,

nothing will. I and my wonderful cohort of co-hosts will continue to blast the Bugle's trademark

cocktail of satire, insight, puns, disinight and unashamed, high-grade drivel

into your ears and all over the planet.

Here's to another 18 and a half years minimum.

To become a true hero, or just to join the voluntary subscription scheme,

go to the buglepodcast.com and click the donate button.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha! the donate button. The Bugle, Audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, buglers and welcome to issue 4,371 of the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world.

I'm Andy Zaltzman, coming to you in up to five dimensions from the Shed of Truthful Dialogue, or STD.

I must work on a baracket.

The place where sentences come to fritter away into, amongst the people who have never set foot in this building, Sylvester Stallone, Martina Navratilova, Ludwig van Beethoven, Frieda Carlo and Abraham Lincoln. Quite the illustrious list. And what a dinner party, that would be. But quite awkward with three of them being dead.

But I think Stallone and Martine, Martina, would have quite an interesting chat about the difference

...