Happiness Break: How to Be Your Own Best Friend
The Science of Happiness
PRX and Greater Good Science Center
4.5 • 2K Ratings
🗓️ 30 October 2025
⏱️ 9 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Show yourself real self-kindness in less than 10 minutes with this self-compassion break guided by psychologist Kristin Neff.
How To Do This Practice:
- Identify what’s hard right now: Bring to mind a real situation that’s causing you stress, sadness, or self-criticism, something that’s currently difficult. It could be a mistake, a relationship challenge, or a feeling of not being enough.
- Acknowledge your pain: Notice what’s happening inside you without judgment. Gently name it: “This is hard,” or “I’m really struggling right now.”
- Remember you’re not alone: Remind yourself that struggle is part of being human. Say something like: “Others feel this way too,” or “It’s normal to have moments like this.”
- Offer yourself kindness: Bring warmth to the part of you that’s hurting. You might place a hand over your heart, hold your face gently, or clasp your hands. Physical touch helps calm the nervous system and signals care.
- Speak supportive words to yourself: Say something to yourself that you’d say to a good friend in the same situation like, “I’m here for you.” “It’s okay to be imperfect.” “You’re doing the best you can.”
- Let the compassion sink in: Take a few slow breaths. Feel your body softening. Notice any sense of calm, warmth, or ease that arises, even if it’s subtle. You can return to this practice anytime you feel overwhelmed or self-critical.
Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.
Today’s Happiness Break Guide:
Dr. Kristin Neff is an associate professor in the University of Texas at Austin's department of educational psychology. She's also the co-author of 'Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout,' which offers tools to help individuals heal and recharge from burnout.
Related Happiness Break episodes:
The Healing Power of Your Own Touch: https://tinyurl.com/y4ze59h8
A Self-Compassion Meditation For Burnout: https://tinyurl.com/485y3b4y
Tap into the Joy That Surrounds You: https://tinyurl.com/2pb8ye9x
Related Science of Happiness episodes:
How to Stick to Your Resolutions in 2024: https://tinyurl.com/mub9z9z4
How Holding Yourself Can Reduce Stress: https://tinyurl.com/2hvhkwe6
Why We Need Friends With Shared Interests: https://tinyurl.com/bp8msacj
We’d love to hear about your experience with this practice! Share your thoughts at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod.
Find us on Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap
Help us share Happiness Break! Leave a 5-star review and share this link: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap
Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/3eep76z6
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | How much awe and wonder do you experience in your life? |
| 0:03.6 | From the John Templeton Foundation, our sponsors at the Science of Happiness, |
| 0:07.3 | the Templeton Ideas Podcast, explores the most awe-inspiring ideas in our world |
| 0:12.4 | with the people who investigate them. |
| 0:15.0 | Host Tom Burnett sits down with inspiring thinkers like Alison Gopnik, David Brooks, |
| 0:20.2 | Tyler Cowens, and Gretchen Rubin |
| 0:22.4 | to discuss how their investigations have transformed their lives and how they may transform yours. |
| 0:29.2 | Learn more at templeton.org slash podcast. |
| 0:40.3 | We all need breaks. Lunch breaks, coffee breaks, and happiness breaks. |
| 0:44.3 | I'm Dacker Keltner. |
| 0:46.3 | Welcome to Happiness Break, a new series by The Science of Happiness. |
| 0:59.2 | On each episode, we'll guide you through research-back practices to develop more empathy, kindness, human connection, and resilience, all in under 10 minutes. |
| 1:03.7 | We'll release new Happiness Break episodes on alternating weeks from the Science of Happiness, |
| 1:09.3 | so we'll return with another episode of the Science of Happiness next week. |
| 1:13.6 | Today we're going to try a practice to help us be more self-compassionate. |
| 1:18.6 | Self-compassion is simply kindness turned inward. Think about when someone you care about is struggling in some way. |
| 1:26.6 | You listen to them, you're there for them, you do anything for them. |
| 1:30.3 | We often believe that we need to be hard on ourselves to be motivated, |
| 1:35.3 | that self-kindness is being soft, and that if we're kind to ourselves, we won't get things done. |
| 1:42.3 | But the opposite is true. If you told your friend, I hate you, you're horrible, what would the result be? You know, |
| 1:49.0 | the similar result ends up with ourselves. Research from psychologist Kristen Neff at the University |
| 1:54.0 | of Texas at Austin shows when we practice being self-compassionate, we can feel less stress, |
... |
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