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Here it is.

Strawberry letter.

Well, thank you, nephew.

Subject hands on your knees.

Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm writing for help with my wife and her addiction to screen time.

Her need to be up to date on everything on social media is driving me nuts.

She follows cooking videos and my daughter and I have to pretend the food is good.

I am the cook of the house so I can't stand when she's messing around in the kitchen wasting food and seasoning.

There was this cabbage boil that went viral and she made the cabbage and we were in the

bathroom for a full two days trying to get it out of our systems. It did help me lose a couple

of pounds though. My wife also gets a lot of romantic advice from people half our age

on the internet, and I can't get into most of those positions anyway. I'm 49. I have a belly now,

so I can only work with a few positions nowadays. It's not enjoyable if I'm in pain. What I am, though, is a good dancer, and I've been using viral dances as cardio.

I can do most of them, and I go into the garage to do them, so my wife won't try to record me.

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