Ah, Mejure, Thomas, Mejeure, Mejeure, after New Zealand made light work of Argentina on Friday, we had a night of high-class drama in Paris on Saturday as England fell agonizingly short against the mighty South

Africa in the rain or the less than mighty South Africa will come on to that. It's the worst

I've seen them play in a very long time. England were only behind for two minutes, but unfortunately

for them it was the wrong two minutes as Hondre Pollard held his nerve to land a penalty and

what a penalty, whacked it

won, both feet off the floor when he kicked it to win the game for the box. I was in Stad de France

as a spectator, shanks and asked me how it was, just asked me what it was like. First off, do you

have to do a little bit of French at the start? It just comes across as arrogant to me. I can know it all. Just because you didn't do A-level French, don't have a go at me.

I was just showing off, mate.

Oie, do you know what happens? When we're over there with the lads, with the ITV lads and all that lot,

my French is all right, so I can order things, I can ask for things.

But as soon as French people reply to me, I'm like, sorry, I can't understand. Can't understand anything, mate. Just nod.

I literally went to order some pastries the day, and I was like, I'll have one of those.

I'll have a pan of chocolate.

And what coffee do you want? I said to Fiona, one of the girls, my TV, what do you want?

She's, oh, I'll have it.

I said, da, da, da class till there and you've blown it. I can't get a word of it when they replied to me. I practiced for ages about, on my phone, I had to Google translate how to get

to the main ferry port in Marseille. And we got to the taxi queue. I've been practicing on the

plane the whole way, I've been listening to it. I got there and I said it. And the guy just

looked at me and he was like, pardon? Yeah. Marseille, Port. I gave up. Port the Marseilles,

you had done pastries. I had a pasty yesterday at Rodney Parade. But here's, I got a scenario for you.

And I want to know what you would have done,

...